Yuyuko's Wonderful Midnight Snack Tour
by Vrock8
Summary: An adaptation of the plot of Imperishable Night, ghost team scenario. Rated M for graphic violence.
1. Stage 1: Bug

**Disclaimer: **Touhou is owned by ZUN in conjunction with Team Shanghai Alice.

**A/N:**Hi.

This is a story that retells the plot of Imperishable Night. It will follow the plot of the game pretty closely, up to and including the proper order of the spell cards used.

The story will mostly be focused around the ghost team and their scenario. As usual for my fics, there will be gore and character death(s), English, even after all these years, is still not my native language, and, sumtimes, I will overuse, commas, and… ellipses… not to mention… overemphasizing and overcapitalizing THINGS _needlessly_!1. Whatever.

I intended for the story to be pretty lighthearted (yes, a lighthearted Touhou story that involves vore, is rated M for violence and has entire chapter dedicated to **HATE**), so please try not to take it all too seriously. Thanks.

Let's begin.

**Yuyuko'****s Wonderful Midnight Snack Tour**

**Stage**** 1: Bug**

The moon was full. It was large, bloated and unnatural, filling almost half of the sky with its unnatural bloated large moonlike shape. It was like that for a month now.

Residents of Gensokyo were angry. Residents of Gensokyo were tired. Residents of Gensokyo cursed the moon, screamed at it, collapsed on their knees in frustration and rage, sacrificed small animals to pagan gods, and in their great despair some even donated a few coins to the Hakurei shrine in hope that Reimu would finally do something. Reimu smiled a strained smile to the petitioners, and said, time and time again, that she was doing everything in her power.

The moon didn't care. It just loomed, oppressing everything with its fat rotund body. It was implacable. It was inevitable. It was the Moon.

The night was forever.

**(O,****)**

Yuyuko Saigyouji yawned and sat up. Rubbing her sore eyes, she glanced at the gigantic water clock in the corner of her room. 11 PM.

"Oh great, I overslept," she muttered and fell back on her back, spreading her arms. "It's been a thousand years, and I still get bad taste in my mouth when I oversleep. This is so unfair."

The ceiling became an uninteresting sight rather quickly so Yuyuko, moaning and cursing under her breath crawled from under the blanket, and with a posture and gait of an ancient crone made her way across the room to the wall mirror.

Yep, she still looked exactly like she looked on the day of her funeral, the royal dress she was buried in and everything. In the putrid purple illumination of the strange moon her gown seemed to have lost color, and Yuyuko's ghostly face looked well, dead. Yuyuko cringed.

"My, do I look like crap," she said to her reflection and straightened up. Puffing her cheeks a little, she adjusted a cloth triangle on her hat and forced a rather ghastly smile. It didn't help much.

"Ok, this is enough. It ends tonight," she sternly said and stormed off towards the door. Proud and determined, she made it almost halfway through the building before her stomach growled, sending echoes around the empty hallways.

"Oh right, I haven't eaten anything in like, ages. Or hours, anyway. Hey, Youmu! I'm hungry!"

Her call went unanswered, so Yuyuko shouted again, louder this time. No response.

"Oh, that good-for-nothing half-everything girl, I'll show her, I'll show..."

She trailed into a stream of mutterings and made her way to the garden.

**(O,)**

With absolute precision and discipline Youmu Konpaku struck the blade of her shovel into the ground. As chief and only gardener of Hakugyokurou shrine, it was her sacred and undisputed duty to keep everything within the garden area in flawless harmonious order.

The dandelions resisted. Like parasites that they were, they spread around like cancer on grass, mocking the half-ghost girl with their lobed leaves, their bright yellow flowers, their pale seed heads…

Sometimes, Youmu felt like they were laughing at her, laughing at her endless futile attempts of eradication. As of late, with that purple moon in the sky, she was almost hearing their laughter.

No, she would not show it. She could not show even the slightest hint of emotion now, especially now, when her mistress was here, at the garden, personally supervising her work, happily devouring her ghost half…

Wait, that didn't sound quite right.

"Lady Yuyuko, what are you doing? Please, stop!" Youmu yelled on the run to the shrine porch, where the situation was merely moments from disaster.

Of course, to an outside observer the situation looked rather comical. There is a cute ghostly girl in a silly hat, holding a round ectoplasmic object in her hands, drawing it closer and closer to her open mouth. There is another pale girl, her dress dirty with earth, running towards her, frantically waving her arms and screaming.

Of course, it was a completely serious and hopeless situation, the one that would tear your very soul if you really understood what was going on at that cathartic moment… except not.

It was really as silly as it looked like.

Youmu, thanks to her rigorous and grueling physical training, made it just in time. She grabbed the globular ghost and started to pull it away. For a moment, the two girls struggled.

Then, Yuyuko let go and Youmu fell back, tumbling flawlessly and protecting the round ghost with her body. Quickly examining it and ensuring that no, there were indeed no bite marks on it, she stood up and gave Yuyuko a glare that could melt rocks.

"What did I do?" Yuyuko innocently asked.

"Don't give me that look, lady Saigyouji, it is not going to work," Youmu said in a tone of voice a supreme court sentences a criminal to a death penalty.

"But I was hungwyyyy!"

"Fourth time!" Youmu snapped. "It's the fourth time this month! Fourth! Time!"

"But…"

"Lady Saigyouji, I have a list. I even have it right now on my person. Please, read it."

Tucking her ghost half under her arm, Youmu reached into her breast pocket and produced a neatly folded sheet of paper, which she passed to Yuyuko.

"Oh, do I really have—" she stumbled on Youmu's look and cleared her throat. "Right."

She unfolded the sheet and started reading.

"The log of activities of lady Yuyuko of a time period, yadda, yadda, yadda. Do I really have to?"

"Yes. It is on the bottom of the list."

"Hmm… right here it is. Ahem. Over the course of the month lady Saigyouji unsuccessfully tried to eat the following inedible things: shishi-odoshi: one time, bark from a peach tree: one time, poison frogs from the pond: one time, pond reeds: one time, the poltergeist keyboard of Lyrica Prismriver: two times, the poltergeist keyboardist Lyrica Prismriver: two times, Youmu Konpaku's ghost half: three… well, make that four, I guess. Hahaha…"

Yuyuko's nervous laugh spread around the garden and died out. Youmu let go of the round ghost but was still hiding behind her, trembling slightly.

"Lady Yuyuko, you have to admit this isn't right. It is time to admit you have a prob…"

"I don't have any problems!" Yuyuko panicked. "And I never had! I am absolutely, perfectly fine! It's… it's… it's the moon! Yes, the Moon! It is affecting me, it is affecting all of us! Tell me, Youmu, don't you feel strange lately?"

"Lady Yuyuko, blaming your problems on the moon isn't going to…"

_Dandelions._

_They are everywhere._

_They are watching._

_They are right behind you._

_They are brushing against your ankle._

_Right now._

Youmu's words stuck in her throat, choking her. She tried to look down, but she could not. _They were there_, she knew. Right at that very moment.

"Hey, what's the matter? Is everything fine?"

"N…no need for concern, lady Yuyuko," she stammered, backing away, still not daring to look down. She took off into the air, gulped and regained control over her breathing. "Hey, it's a great night out today, shall we go for a little adventure? Punish the villains who tainted the paradise moon?"

Her smile could almost pass for a genuine one, but it was not, and Yuyuko noticed that. She didn't say anything though, silently taking off into the air after her, and she had a reason for that.

Yuyuko was still deathly, unbelievably hungry, and no normal food could satiate that, oh no, she needed something else, something entirely different, something that would squirm and scream as it was being devoured, something _alive_.

And the villains would provide perfectly for that.

Because seriously, who ever cares about the bad guys?

**(O,)**

To say that this endless unnatural night was beautiful would be a terrible fat lie, because frankly, it wasn't. The moon was putrid, most of the vegetation without daily influx of natural sunlight withered away, and leaves of more stoic plants became dull and flabby.

But for some creatures the night was a blessing, not a curse. For example for fireflies, tiny bugs that propagate their species when it is dark. And oh boy, did they propagate.

They were everywhere, buzzing, blinking, crawling on plants and ground, their lights creating a weird colorful mist. Any poetic and sensitive person would find it majestically beautiful.

And any person who ever had an experience of flying at decent speed into a cloud of bugs headfirst would find it extremely annoying.

Youmu tried her hardest to push these thoughts away. It was an exercise, a test of her abilities both as a logical, level-headed person and a master swordfighter. If a firefly was unfortunate enough to be on a collision course with her, it was instantly and mercilessly sliced in half by her short sword. She never missed, she could not allow herself to miss, but sometimes bits of bugs got on her clothes. And skin. And hair.

She could just hope her mistress was all right.

"Wohooo! Look at me, look at me! I'm a whale!" Yuyuko shouted, and Youmu turned to her.

It was surreal. The ghost princess was flying with her head craned back and her mouth so wide open, it went right over the "unnatural" and "creepy" territories into "absolutely horrifying". Her throat looked like a blazing furnace, dozens, no, hundreds of fireflies burning in ghostly fire.

Transfixed, Youmu missed a bug that rather painfully collided with her face. She shook her head and looked at Yuyuko again.

And sure enough, she was completely normal again, smiling softly and looking as innocent as ever. Was she trying to drive her insane on purpose?

"Lady Yuyuko, what's a whale?" Youmu found the courage to ask. Yuyuko chuckled.

"Before your time girl, before your time. Ah, four centuries have passed, and I still remember that day like it was yesterday. On that very day, Yukarin opened a veeery large gap through which a giant creature fell. And then, when it hit the ground LOOK OUT DANMAKU!"

Youmu instincts acted way before she comprehended and analyzed the statement. The instant Yuyuko shouted and dodged left, she dodged right, drawing her blades with supersonic speed.

She had made a mistake. She let her guard down, and allowed her mistress to be attacked. It was unforgivable, but the guilt would have to wait. Right now, she would have to face their terrible enemy.

She glanced over the battlefield, and saw their deadly terrifying opponent.

It was a tiny firefly fairy, probably the weakest she has ever seen in her life. It had only one energy familiar seal, incorrectly drawn and misshapen, and even on it the poor thing had an extremely hard time concentrating.

The life-threatening danmaku it released consisted of a single and very slowly moving energy orb.

"D'aww, isn't it cute," Yuyuko cooed, floating closer to the fairy. "Barely sentient, and the first thing they learn is how to create deadly projectiles. I am so happy we live in such a peaceful and happy world!"

She reached out to the fairy and the tiny creature squeaked in terror, recoiling back and concentrating on the seal, a small streak of multicolored blood running down from her nose.

In a flash, Youmu was in front of the fairy, finishing her lighting move with a well-placed sword slice. The seal and the little fairy exploded in a tiny shower of quickly fading sparks. Youmu turned to Yuyuko.

"My lady, you shouldn't endanger yourself this much."

"Oh, you worry too much, those are just fireflies. What's the worst they could they possibly do?"

As far as tempting fate goes, this was a pretty decent attempt on Yuyuko's part, as the wide spread of slow-moving orbs from nearby bushes immediately proved. The ghost princess lazily dodged, while Youmu rushed in to deal with unseen assailants.

It went like that for a while, Youmu dashing around, cutting fairy fireflies and their pathetic familiars and Yuyuko floating in the middle of a clearing, looking and feeling extremely bored.

After that, the battle shifted deeper into the forest and Yuyuko had to move.

"Hey, Youmu! Youmu! Don't leave me here, we are supposed to be on a quest together! Youmu!"

She caught up with her on another small clearing. The ground was covered in pixie dust and surrounding trees bore signs of an intense battle.

Youmu was slightly out of breath, her blades dripping with sparkling liquid. She was obviously fired up and ready for more.

"Hey, evildoers! Stop hiding and come out! Taste the bitter steel of my youkai-forged mystic blades! I will slice you all up!"

Her battle cry didn't do unheard. From atop of a nearby tree, a full-grown fairy descended. Her green hair and antennas, combined with a cape shaped like bug carapace definitely identified her as a firefly boss. Well, that and her attitude.

"Who the hell do you think you are, barging into my forest, killing my friends and calling me an evildoer? You are the real villains here!"

Yuyuko gasped, a look of shocked disbelief on her face. Youmu immediately turned to her.

"Lady Yuyuko, what's wrong?" Youmu's concern was almost palpable.

"That's… that's…" Yuyuko was clearly still in shock and had great difficulty finding words.

"What? What is it?"

"That's… holy gods of Gensokyo, that's the largest bug I've ever seen in my life! I mean, just look at the size of that thing, it's almost half a human height, holy hell!"

"I am not a thing!" the fairy cried out. "I have a name, it is Wriggle Nightbug, and you'd better recognize it, filthy ghosts!"

"Ghosts? Ghosts? How dare you degrade us so? I am Youmu Konpaku, half-ghostly gardener of Hakugyokurou shrine and this is lady Yuyuko Saigyouji, the princess of Netherworld! Now tell us what you have done with the moon!"

"Moon? I didn't do anything to the moon," Wriggle said, and seemed to throw Youmu off a little.

"No? Really? Well… yes, I know! You've been building your personal firefly army to take over Gensokyo, villain!"

An expression of Wriggle turned to a mix of confusion and anger. "An army? No, I was just hanging out with my friends, lighting the night! Until you barged in and killed everyone!"

Youmu was taken aback again, but refused to give in. "Well, then you wanted to worm your way into society in some other way! Or just gather power and proclaim yourself a new god! Or… or..."

She started trembling, and Yuyuko floated to her, putting an arm on her shoulder.

"Shh, it's okay. It is just an ugly bug youkai. Slash it."

Yuyuko locked her gaze with Wriggle, and in her eyes, the little fairy saw such hunger she almost screamed, backing off to a tree.

"This is going to be easy," Yuyuko said, licking her lips, and gave Youmu a sign to attack.

"No! NO! It will not end like this! You may have killed everyone, but I'm not going down without a fight! Lamp Sign: Firefly Phenomenon!"

Now that was a proper spell card, with all attributes a proper spell card should have. Four bright familiars appeared around Wriggle, spraying out elongated danmaku and protecting the fairy from all sides. A spray of energy orbs gushed out in the general direction of the ghost team.

Of course, having all the attributes does not automatically make the spell card hard, or even challenging. In fact, this one was so easy that Yuyuko hovered near some of the orbs on purpose, as they gave off very nice glow and warmth.

With a double slice of Youmu's blades the last familiar shattered. The half-ghost moved in for the kill, but Wriggle made a desperate dodge, losing an antenna and a part of her cape. She stabilized herself and extended both of her arms.

"Wriggle Sign: Little Bug!"

"Aw, it named a spell card after its own name, how cute," Yuyuko said with the same creepy cooing voice as before.

"Stop referring to me as "it", you filthy ghost!"

Her spell card meanwhile unfolded, a widening spiral of bug eggs that instantly hatched, turning into blazing larvae projectiles.

"Well, now this is just gross and inappropriate. Youmu, finish this farce."

"As you wish, my lady. Human Sign: Slash of the Present."

Youmu's movement was impossible to see. One moment, she was on one side of the battlefield, busily dodging danmaku, and next moment she was already behind Wriggle, sheathing her blades in one fluid motion, undoubtedly practiced by endless hours of training.

Yes, correct and aesthetic sheathing of blades was the hardest part to master in this move.

Wriggle's spell card stopped, and she did too, not really understanding what has just happened. There was a funny feeling in her gut and she looked down, where two very thin glowing horizontal lines crossed her stomach, chest and both arms.

Then, she looked up and noticed Yuyuko, who was floating closer, smiling softly.

"Hey, we are not done yet! The battle is not-"

Wriggle Nightbug exploded.

It was a colourful, bright and sparkling explosion, full of dazzling colors and spinning patterns of fairy dust. It was also a spray of bright-yellow and very viscous liquid, a fountain Youmu quite wisely chose to dodge.

Yuyuko did not. The liquid covered her head to toe, sizzling and evaporating from her ghost form. She dipped a finger in it and cautiously licked it.

"Hey, Youmu, believe it or not, it tastes exactly like apple pie filling! Come on and try it!"

Her offer was silently declined and Yuyuko shrugged, scooping a handful of evaporating liquid and putting it in her mouth. Youmu averted her eyes.

"My lady, we still have to restore the moon, so please, make haste."

"Mmm-hmm," Yuyuko agreed with full mouth and pointed randomly into the forest. "Let'f go thif way."

"Umm, why?"

Yuyuko gulped down before answering. "Because we are heroes chosen by fate, so no matter where we go it will guide us or something. Also, if I remember correctly, that way is a human village where we can ask the deathly terrified peasants for directions."

"Then please, lady, lead the way, I don't want you to fall behind again."

"It's perfectly fine by me," Yuyuko agreed and examined her dress, from which last traces of what was formerly known as Wriggle Nightbug evaporated. "Nothing lasts forever," she muttered.

"Lady Yuyuko, did you say something?" Youmu asked, falling close behind her.

"No, nothing, just talking to myself. Now, let's continue our great adventure!"

And so they did, to great misfortune for everyone whom they would meet on their way.


	2. Stage 2: Bird

**Stage 2: Bird**

_Kagome kagome, the bird in the cage,_

_don't come out!_

_In the evening lit by the dawn,_

_the crane and turtle slipped._

_Who is right behind you now?_

Unsurprisingly enough, the path to the human village wasn't there at all. The forest spread around in every direction and looked absolutely the same in every direction. Youmu started to wonder if it was made from smaller identical forest stitched together.

_Kagome kagome, the bird in the cage,_

_don't come out!_

_In the evening lit by the dawn,_

_the crane and turtle slipped._

_Who is right behind you now?_

The attacks on them increased, both in quantity and intensity. Those were no longer fireflies, just generic evil murderous danmaku fairies, ever-present pests of Gensokyo wilderness. Still, there were too many of them for this time of the year and Youmu wondered if it was a natural immune reaction of the forest to the presence of one and a half necrotic beings from the Netherworld.

_Kagome kagome, the bird in the cage,_

_don't come out!_

_In the evening lit by the dawn,_

_the crane and turtle slipped._

_Who is right behind you now?_

She wondered about lots and lots of things while her body automatically dealt with incoming familiars and projectiles. The topics to think about included, for example, would Wriggle Nightbug become a major threat if she was left alone, or why Yuyuko was so quiet lately, or why they couldn't find the way out of the forest, or why there was that children's song stuck in her head…

Oh crap. The song. It would not go away.

"Lady Yuyuko! Can you hear it? Please, answer me!"

She abruptly stopped, and Yuyuko stopped too, turning to her with a bored expression on her face.

"Of course I do. Annoying as hell by the way, not the song but the voice. No talent at all."

"Don't listen to it! It's the night sparrow song, one of the most accursed sounds in the world! It leads travelers from their paths right to their deaths and—"

_Kagome kagome, the bird in the cage,_

_don't come out!_

_In the evening lit by the dawn,_

_the crane and turtle slipped._

_Who is right behind you now?_

"—it just wouldn't stop! It will drive us insane! We will go blind and hair will grow on our palms!"

Youmu ducked and covered her ears, rocking back and forth and babbling some nonsense that was supposed to protect her from the badly sung nonsensical rhymes.

"Really?" Yuyuko scratched her head. "I think you spend way too much time with Sakuya, she loves ghost stories like that. Anyway, like I said, I don't feel anything but annoyance."

"Wait! Waiiit!"

The song stopped, and the owner of the high-pitched voice flew down from the tall tree branches she was hiding in. The small youkai had long talons, two sets of stylized wings and overall gave off a definite "night sparrow" vibe, complete with a mottled brown color scheme.

"Aren't you even a little bit affected by my song?" she continued, looking a bit desperate for some reason. "What are you, not human?"

"Um, dear…"

"Mystia Lorelei," the youkai helpfully suggested.

"Right. Dear Mystia, I am a pink-haired floating half-transparent apparition in ancient royal funeral garb, surrounded by swirling ghostly fires. My companion, who is currently covering in fear and unable to present herself properly, is deathly pale girl with a clearly visible milky-white globular ghost following her closely. So, here is the question: are you blind or just so unbelievably stupid?"

Well, where Yuyuko failed at humor, she succeeded threefold in angering the little youkai beyond reason.

"You are stupid!" Mystia shouted, taking off in the air. "I knew all along that you were ghosts, I just didn't show it to see if… if… if you are good ghosts or not! And you are bad, bad ghosts!"

"Your singing is what is bad," Yuyuko retorted calmly.

"It's not!"

"It is."

"It's not!"

"It is."

"DIE!"

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Mystia's spell cards required her to sing.

_Kagome kagome, the bird in the cage,_

_don't come out!_

_In the evening lit by the dawn,_

_the crane and turtle slipped._

_Who is right behind you now?_

_Vocal Sign: Hooting in the Night!_

The intertwining patterns of danmaku finally brought Youmu back to her senses, at least partially. She sprung up to her feet and drew her swords.

It was exactly that moment in time she found out it is impossible to simultaneously cover your ears and dual-wield ancient youkai-slaying blades. Faced by an unsolvable dilemma of what to do, she wisely decided that conquering her fear of the night sparrow song would be a long, multi-staged process of meditation and self-discovery and that danmaku combat was not a very fitting place for that.

"Lady Yuyuko!" she shouted, covering her ears again. "I will distract her at distance while you break her spells!"

"Thank you for your confidence," Yuyuko said dryly. Not that she cared much, of course, but the quirks of Youmu sometimes were…bothersome.

She raised her arm, and ghostly butterflies formed around it. They took off, creating a wide cone that passed through enemy bullets, stinging Mystia. The little youkai yelped in pain and swept to another branch. Her spell failed, and she prepared another.

_Kagome, kagome, the__—_

"Oh, come on, this is not funny anymore. Death Sign: Ghastly Dream!"

The cone of butterflies swirled and turned into a rapidly expanding circle, individual spectral insects bloating and exploding. The ghostly front passed through Mystia, tearing her clothes and little wings on her hat. The damage, of course, was not only cosmetic, as the razor-sharp butterfly wings left deep irregular gashes where they grazed against flesh.

"It hurts! It hurts! Hurts!" Mystia cried out, clutching the largest gash on her side and relocating again. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"You started it, remember. And don't worry, the pain will stop shortly after you're dead."

Yuyuko raised her butterfly-covered arm and smiled.

What Mystia managed to do next would be forever remembered as the absolute fastest reciting of "Kagome" song in the history of everything.

_Kagomekagomethe birdinthecagedontcomeoutin theeveninglitbythedawnthe craneandturtleslipped whoisrightbehindyounow! Night-Blindness: Song of the Night Sparrow!_

There was a high-pitched ringing clang, and Yuyuko went nearly blind. The world around narrowed to few paces of grass, dark fog around and danmaku. Loads and loads of extremely sharp, fast moving and deadly danmaku.

"So, how do you like it now, ancient royal ghost? What's the matter, are you blind? Or just stupid?"

The pained, but at the same time so triumphant voice of Mystia assaulted Yuyuko from all sides. Spinning familiars joined in with the danmaku, the seals passing through ghostly butterflies harmlessly and creating teal blazing energy spheres.

And the song flowed in, an evil mockery of children's game.

_Kagome, kagome~ _

Yuyuko closed her eyes. An energy orb grazed her arm, and she spun with it, letting it pass. She moved forward, spinning to the rhythm of danmaku.

It was so long ago, she thought. The time when she was just a little girl, an heir to Saigyouji clan, sure, but still just a girl.

They all used to gather near the ancient cherry tree, all the kids who lived near the shrine. They played pranks on one another, they danced and played silly games.

_~in the evening lit by the dawn~ _

They all gathered in a circle, and chose the oni, the one who would sit in the middle, eyes closed, and listen to the song. And they would sing, and they would run around, and they would stop. And then, the oni would guess.

Yuyuko could not remember a single face or voice of those children, but it did not matter. She was dancing in the dark, her eyes closed, her clothes, torn by danmaku, fluttering in the wind, and they were all around her, and the song…

~_slipped._

_Who is right behind you now?_

"Mystia Lorelei is behind me now!" Yuyuko cheerfully announced and sharply turned, throwing her arm forward. Her fingers found something soft and warm. She squeezed.

The song turned into a gurgle and the spell crumbled. Yuyuko opened her eyes and saw she was indeed holding Mystia by the throat. Of course, her hand extorted little pressure, but the literal chill of the grave made up somewhat for that.

"How… how is this possible?" Mystia choked out, her voice a pathetic whisper now.

"You are not worthy of explanation, sparrow. It is enough that I, Yuyuko Saigyouji, ghost princess of Hakugyokurou, the one who listens every day to the finest music of the Prismriver trio, had to endure your horrendous squawking of 'Kagome' verse for a good part of an hour. I won't waste any more time with you."

"Let… me go…" Mystia whimpered. "Please… it was just a joke… it was just a game…"

"Just a game?" Yuyuko laughed. "Of course. But you know what? I remember a time when real oni lived in Gensokyo and sometimes, mostly on a dare, the 'Kagome' game would be played with a real oni. Do you think the real oni would switch places with children at the end of the game?"

Yuyuko leveled her face with Mystia and squeezed harder.

"No, they wouldn't. They would devour them, alive. So, shall we finish the game, yes?"

And the last thing Mystia Lorelei ever saw in her life was a horrendous widening ghostly maw drawing closer and closer to her face.

**(O,)**

Youmu was not a coward, not one tiny bit. She was a brave and skilled individual, who took her job and life completely seriously. After all, her grandfather entrusted her with protection of Hakugyokurou shrine, and she was responsible for safety of the none other than the princess of Netherworld.

So no, there was nothing cowardly in the fact that she was now hiding behind a danmaku-torn tree trunk, ducking down, holding her ghost half with her knees and covering her ears. It was a reasonable and correct defense mechanism against the mind-shattering sonic attack of an evil spirit.

And the fact that she shut her eyes so tightly they hurt was also absolutely, perfectly reasonable and explainable, because hey, who knows what other dangers could that elder sparrow youkai be capable of, like generating deadly phantasms that could petrify you instantly if you as much as steal a tiniest glance at them.

Yes, it was all perfectly reasonable.

Something lightly touched her shoulder and Youmu yelped, falling to the side and curling into a ball. Again, a perfect tactic to protect the vital organs and Myon from deadly foot-long curved talons of diabolic aberrant abyssal cancerous sparrow monster.

Something poked her in the side. She only clenched her teeth harder and refused to move.

Another poke. Then another. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

Now Youmu was scared, really scared. The abomination would keep poking her, for hours and hours, until her skin would bruise, then tear a little, then a little more, then there would be a wound, and it would keep on poking, getting infection inside, going deeper and deeper with each tiny poke, deeper and deeper…

Youmu screamed. She jumped up, drew her blades and blindly ran forward, slashing everything in front of her.

Predictably enough, her insane slashing charge ended quite quickly and painfully when she collided headfirst with a mass of scaled tentacles that comprised most of the titanic amorphous body of the eldritch chthonian night sparrow God.

Well, in her imagination, of course. In reality, she ran into a tree.

The collision knocked air out of her and she fell flat on her back, gasping and choking. The task of getting oxygen into her lungs suddenly gained first priority on her list, and she got to it without delay. It didn't matter of course, as she would soon be devoured, but still she tried.

It wasn't that bad, she thought. Sure, she failed in her task, her mistress was probably already killed or driven insane, and Netherworld would surely soon fall to endless hordes of shapeless sparrow spawn, but really, she did all she could. It was not a tragedy, it was fate, and fighting fate was something she just could not do.

Yuyuko appeared in her field of vision, a strange mix of confusion and amusement on her face. It was all right too, she probably waited for her so they would travel to the great beyond together, forever together in oblivion…

Yuyuko burped, and a small bloody bone came out of her throat, landing precisely on Youmu's forehead.

There was a moment of silence.

"Oh hey, a wishbone, what are the odds!" Yuyuko cheerfully said and reached for the bone, picking it up. "Hey, Youmu, let's make a wish! And stand up already, you'll get a cold."

Youmu felt like her face was instantly dipped into molten metal. Hiding her eyes, she hastily got back on her feet and dusted off the dirt.

"Hey, are you all right? You look a bit flustered."

"Lady Saigyouji I have failed you and shamed myself. If you would accept my ritual suicide as a way of clearing my name, I would gladly and instantly-"

"That's the fourth time you offered me your life this month," Yuyuko said sternly, cutting her off. "Seriously, loosen up a little."

"But I have failed—"

"Uh-huh. But this isn't your fault, it's the moon's fault. You would never hide away from battle otherwise, trust me. It's driving all of us insane, but tonight, it ends."

Her expression suddenly jumped from gravely serious to absolutely silly.

"Now, let's make a wish! Hold on to your side, and pull!"

She extended her arm, and Youmu reluctantly grabbed the bone. "Only if you say so, lady Yuyuko. And as for my wish…" she paused. "I wish I would never shame —"

"Nope, does not count if you say it," Yuyuko cut her off again. "And you can't make serious and overarching wishes like that, because hey, it's just a wishbone, not a genie. So, again and silently, pull on three."

"One, two, three!" they both counted, and pulled.

Youmu's section broke off.

"Tee-hee, I win," Yuyuko said, licking her lips and hiding the remains of the bone in one of the folds of her dress. "And look, there is the way to the village, right there!"

She floated in the direction of a dark brick road in the distance, and Youmu followed her closely and silently.

She wanted to say a lot of things. She wanted to thank Yuyuko for saving her, to hug her, to comfort her and let herself be comforted, to kiss her, and not only on the lips…

No! No, those were not thoughts of her own, those wrong, foreign thoughts, worming into her head from somewhere outside, attacking from all sides, much like fairies that attacked them. Youmu shook her head furiously, pushing the clingy and flawed words and images away.

Something out there definitely and actively wanted to lead them astray and stop them.

Too bad for that outside force she just would not allow it.


	3. Stage 3: Beast

**Stage 3: Beast**

Gensokyo is not the nicest place for an ordinary human to live in. Constant ghost and youkai attacks, the wilderness controlled by sometimes extremely bloodthirsty fairies and other lesser spirits of the land, vampire mansions dotting the landscape and a very real hell underground – all of that contributed to a very sad statistic that gory and terrible accidents were the second leading cause of death in Gensokyo, beating cardio-vascular disorders only by few percent.

The latest tradition of an annual nightmarish magical cataclysm didn't help the situation much.

And still, humans thrived. Reinforcing doors and windows, lighting the nights with lamps and torches, teaching children from the earliest ages how to deal with youkai and correctly recognize them, keeping valuables in easy-to carry containers and keeping pathways to the nearest exit clear because hey, one moment everything is fine and another, your family home is rapidly turning into a radiant ice tomb because Cirno decided to fight with Sunny Milk over some misunderstanding…

Anyway, the point here is that even if some local road had a benign guardian youkai, it would mostly lie down beside it, feeding on donations from travelers, and it would be humans' job to maintain the road and keep it lit at night, and they would do it because otherwise it would quickly become dark, overgrown and neglected.

And the road the ghost team was traveling on right now was precisely that: dark, overgrown, neglected and swarming with dozens of murderous fairies.

"I think-" Youmu said between strikes, positioning herself so a blast of crimson danmaku would go past her, "—they are actively trying to stop us."

"Really? I didn't notice," Yuyuko responded absently, staring somewhere in the distance.

"No, they really are. Look at that one," Youmu pointed her sword at the fairy in a bright yellow dress. "Those release a chain of familiars, retreat, and then return after some rest. That's definitely a learned, not natural tactic."

"So, do you think we will soon encounter an evil mastermind with henchmen? I'd like our adventure to have that," Yuyuko said absently again.

"Lady Yuyuko, is everything all right? You seem—"

"Stop!"

This order came from a stocky and very angry girl that was quickly making her way to them from the direction of the village. Dressed in a formal midnight blue dress, she could pass up for a human if not for her silvery hair and choice in hats. To clarify, she had a quite detailed and realistic miniature pagoda on her head.

First, most obvious sign you are dealing with a youkai or an unstable, dangerous individual – she always, _always_ wears a silly, impractical hat or a head accessory. It is probably a good time to run at this point.

"Evil ghosts! What do you think you are doing, attacking this village in the middle of the night? I am Kamishirasawa Keine, guardian of this village, and you shall not pass!"

Second sign you are dealing with a youkai or an unstable, dangerous individual – she proudly announces her full name and occupation, accuses you of some crime and dramatically raises her arms. It is often still not too late to run at this point.

"Spiritual Birth: First Pyramid!"

Third, and final sign you are dealing with a youkai or an unstable, dangerous individual – she chants a name of a spell card and attacks you with danmaku. At this point, you probably should not bother with running – you will most likely be dead in a few seconds in any case.

These three simple warning signs have saved dozens of lives in the last year alone, and humans should not ignore them or take them lightly. They really save lives.

Of course, Youmu Konpaku was not an ordinary human and for her it was just another day on the job. And so, when faced with a triplet of enormous sucking holes in reality she just took a step to the side, letting them to lazily float past her.

Then, she ran forward, dodging sprays of smaller white orbs. The spell card completed a cycle, creating more reality holes, but Youmu was already near her opponent.

She performed a double slash and Keine jerked back, avoiding the strike but losing focus. However, instead of collapsing her spell card shifted phase, creating a protective shield of familiars.

The energy seals released a thick, structured pattern of red orbs and Youmu had to retreat, further and further, until she was right where she started, right next to Yuyuko.

"I can't get through, it's too thick!" Youmu shouted over the sizzling of energy.

"Don't worry, she won't be able to keep this up for long," Yuyuko said, pointing somewhere at the origin point of intricate patterns. "I know this spell card, it is very, very old. I wonder, why she is using it? Oh, and by the way, don't be fooled by how structured it is, it has a nasty surprise at the end of cycle."

Meanwhile, the front of danmaku wave reached them and both members of the ghost team went silent, concentrating on dodging. Indeed, after a few moments the patterns broke, leaving just a chaotic and thick spam of orbs.

Then, just when Youmu thought she could not keep up anymore, it stopped. The last orbs flew by, and the road was once again empty.

"Huh? She ran away? What a coward," Youmu said with clear disgust.

"She won't abandon the village that easily. She probably just tested us right now. Or maybe tasted? I wonder how she tastes like?"

Yuyuko's eyes glazed over and she took off in the direction where the village gates were supposed to be.

Youmu inwardly shuddered.

**(O,)**

To say that the village was empty would be incorrect, as it was still full of life. Angry, insane, danmaku-spewing, barely intelligent and quite cute life.

But as the ghost team moved deeper and deeper into the village, the amount of life diminished proportionally, mostly due to the reason of the fairies being mercilessly killed away with swords. And butterflies.

It was really a planned defense, haphazardly, ineffectively organized, but organized nevertheless. The little fairies tried to use cover, retreated into empty buildings, tried to box the horrible ghostly killers in tight alleys…

It didn't help. No matter what they tried, the result was the same – a flash of the blade, a tiny shower of sparks, again and again, dozens, hundreds of times. Death walked the streets, and it reaped.

But really, there is a limit to everything. Whatever force was driving these fairies forward, whatever means it used to push them, it could not do so forever. More and more retreated after an initial attack, breaking off and running away, never to return. More and more just gathered in the distance, not daring to come closer.

And finally, when the ghost team entered the village square, it was over. No more fairies, no more danmaku. Only them and Keine, grim determination on her round face.

"You've come here for nothing," she stated, and made a wide gesture. "As you can see there is nothing here that could interest you, ghosts. Now leave."

"How rude," Yuyuko responded, eyeing the village guardian with an aura of curiosity. "And besides, there is something interesting here, namely, you."

"I'm glad that long rotten corpses find me interesting," Keine said dryly. "Now, as I said, leave."

"I'm really interested in that spell card you used," Yuyuko said, not noticing or just ignoring the insult. "It is indeed ancient, and if you know it, you must be very old too. But I don't know you, and I am acquainted with all the ancient beings of Gensokyo. So, I'm a bit confused right now."

"I am Kamishirasawa Keine, half-beast of knowledge and history. I feed on history and use it against my opponents. Satisfied? Now leave my village alone."

"Oh, I see," Yuyuko said, a clear disappointment in her voice. "And here for a moment I thought I met someone with whom I could have a meaningful conversation."

Then, her expression suddenly brightened up. "Hey, Youmu, guess what? We met a bug, a bird, and now, a beast. I'd bet a dragon will be next! Oh, how I want to taste a dragon…"

"Lady Yuyuko, I thought our goal was to restore the moon," Youmu said carefully.

"What? I thought we were having a wonderful midnight snack tour across the land! Come on, who cares about the moon? Let's eat!"

"Lady Yuyuko, the moon is clearly affecting you. I think we should—"

"Stop ignoring me!" Keine shrieked, and streams of energy coiled around her. "You barge into my village, you kill everyone and now you treat me as food? Food? I will kill you, and all of your history will be mine! Ambition Sign: Buretsu Crisis!"

"Youmu, this isn't even worth of my time. Slash her. Oh, and by the way, the second phase of this spell card is just like before, so watch out."

Yuyuko yawned and floated up, leaving the intense battle behind. She sat on the edge of the nearby roof, far away from the clash of danmaku.

Buretsu Crisis. It had to be an important event once, but as hard as she tried, she could not recall the details of it. Probably had to do something with the emperor, it usually was so with the "important" events like those. Probably forgotten in a century, if not sooner. Pathetic.

The danmaku patterns were outdated too, concentric circles with large gaps and homing orbs that were supposed to represent threat. It was classic, but because of it, it was too well known and boring. It was a foundation to build on, but a person, unless that person is a bum, can't live on a foundation. A building is required for that.

Naturally, Youmu had no trouble with the first part of the spell. The second part, however, was another story. It was a house built on the foundation that "First Pyramid" was, unoriginal, bland, but still challenging simply because of sheer amount of bullets involved.

But Youmu was a quick learner, and she knew better than to use the strategy that nearly caused her a failure the last time. So, instead of dodging, she patiently waited for the patterns to break away into a chaotic soup, and then slashed away, exploding an energy orb near her.

Normally, it would not do much, but the concentration of danmaku was so thick that the first explosion caused another, then two more, then even more and finally chain reaction reached back to the generating familiars, destroying them with a satisfying reverberating boom.

"Yay! Go, Youmu, go!" Yuyuko cheerfully shouted from her vantage point.

"I'm not done with you yet," Keine hissed, preparing another spellcard. The explosion did more damage to her ego than her body, and her anger was now nearly palpable. "Land Sign: Three Sacred Treasures – Sword!"

"Oh, so now fairy tales are history too, eh? That's a bit stretching it, don't you think? Also, using a sword-based danmaku against a sword specialist is, well, stupid. Gods, I am so bored."

Yuyuko floated down to the battlefield, making her way towards Keine.

"Lady Yuyuko, this is dangerous, I will deal with it," Youmu offered, but Yuyuko didn't listen, floating right through the overlapping spirals of kunai-shaped danmaku.

And as she effortlessly approached, Keine's anger turned into confusion, then into crippling fear. She did not know who was she up against, but she now recognized the style of funeral clothing, used more than a thousand years ago.

…_and I am acquainted with all the ancient beings of Gensokyo…_

She ran, abandoning her spell. It released the last spray of kunai and crumbled, allowing Yuyuko to pass through its origin point. The spell left a misty haze and Yuyuko squinted, making out the silhouette of her opponent, disappearing into the nearby wide building.

She slowly followed, floating into the building through a window on the second floor. A long hallway stretched to both sides, the doors being marked with letters and numbers. The hallway was empty.

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" Yuyuko called out. Of course, no one answered, and she slid the nearby door open.

It was a small classroom, with only ten or so desks. The walls were covered in bright crayon and watercolor pictures, their captions full of glaring spelling mistakes. The clock on the wall was cracked but still functional, showing it was nearly an hour past midnight. Also, the teacher's desk slightly trembled.

Yuyuko flowed in, closing the door behind her. "I hate it when the prey tries to run, it gives meat an unpleasant aftertaste. Also, please show some dignity, you are about to die, you know."

Still trembling, Keine stood up, desperately eyeing the small room. Yuyuko gave her a reassuring smile.

"Do you want to run again? I can sense life a long distance away, so it's no use. And, as I said, show some—"

Yuyuko suddenly stopped, noticing something on the pictures in the room.

There was too much red in them, splats and streams, badly drawn crayon lines and irregular circles. A red pool under a stick figure, an ugly cow without a head, red gushing out of the stump, a better picture of someone cut in half…

And in the center of it all, a large drawing of children in bright clothing and silly hats, all standing around a very poorly drawn Keine. And above, a sign in red "To aur favorit teecher."

Yuyuko even recognized some of the children. Of course, they were all badly misshapen, but two distinct antennae of Wriggle and four wings of Mystia were impossible to miss.

"Oh, so this is what you meant when you called this place 'your village'? Clever, clever…"

"So what?" Keine snapped, her trembling vanishing in an instant. "So what if the youkai are bloodthirsty? Aren't they just children? Don't they deserve education? Don't they deserve better than they have?"

"It is unnatural," Yuyuko said flatly.

"And so are ghosts! People must die and remain dead! You are a millennia-old undead abomination! You are a _monster_!"

Yuyuko laughed, a long, hearty and sincere laugh. It spread through the hallways, it filled the whole building, it echoed in empty classrooms, filled with gnawed bones of children and teachers who failed to get away in time when youkai attacked, it spread out into the village, entering every broken home, every basement where people barred themselves in and waited for the rescue that never came, further and further it spread, to the ugly and putrid moon and to lowest reaches of hell...

Ok, maybe not that far, but it isn't the point.

The last echoes of laughter faded, and the small classroom became silent. Yuyuko turned to the pictures again.

"You know, I don't have anything against education, and can even stomach the education of youkai, but seriously, history? That's, like, the most useless discipline."

"Without history, we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past," Keine said grimly.

"Uh-huh. But you know, if you taught your students common sense instead of useless ancient dates at least one of them would not be inside my stomach right now."

…_guess what? We met a bug, a bird, and now, a beast…_

"W-what?"

"Exactly. And you, yourself, that nearly forgotten danmaku of yours… Let's say it just doesn't live up to the modern standards. You see, even Wriggle was more challenging than you."

"No, no, no, no, no…" Keine muttered, covering her ears. She vigorously shook her head, and tears dripped from her cheeks. "It's all a lie, it can't be happening, it can't be, it can't it can't…"

"Also, Wriggle tasted exactly like apple pie filling. Can you at least live up to that?"

Keine stopped moving. She went completely rigid, her face a frozen mask of hatred and pain.

Her lips moved. "Ending Sign: Phantasmal Emperor."

It was beautiful, a flawless, intricate and bright spellcard. Phantasmal swords pierced the air in all directions, sliding through walls as there was nothing there, slicing desks and chairs. Smaller blades created a circular pattern, lights dancing around their edges, an area of absolute death.

Yuyuko turned to the approaching danmaku. There was nowhere to dodge, nowhere to escape, and she just smiled, awaiting the bullets to reach her.

Maybe, today was the day she would finally die. It would certainly be an interesting change of pace.

"Human Sign: Slash of the Eternity!"

The muted cry came from behind, and Youmu burst into the room, slashing through the wooden door. She continued forward on her momentum, shattering the ghostly swords and danmaku, jumping over the ruined desks, ducking under the familiars and slamming into the enemy, pinning her to the blackboard.

Keine didn't blink, even when the swords half-closed on her neck like a pair of scissors. The sharp edges cut through the skin, drawing tiny droplets of blood.

"Oh, hey there. I was starting to wonder if you got lost in the building," Yuyuko said, and Youmu glared at her.

"I told you not to go alone, and you didn't listen. You could've gotten hurt! Seriously, can't you focus at least a little?"

"Well, it turned out all right in the end, don't you think? And besides, you now have a chance to personally execute the villain."

"Right," Youmu said, turning back to Keine. "I, Youmu Konpaku, hereby accuse you of… um…"

"She raided the village and was using is as a training ground for her personal youkai army," Yuyuko helpfully suggested. Youmu's eyes lit up.

"So, you were a real villain after all! I, Youmu Konpaku, hereby accuse of all these horrible crimes and sentence you to death by my hand! Any last words?"

Keine said nothing. The pause dragged on and silence in the room became heavy.

"Um, well? Oh, I get it, I really shouldn't look over your shoulder at such an important moment. Take your time, I'll be outside."

Yuyuko left the classroom and glided down the corridor. She sat on the windowsill at the end of the hallway and looked over the empty village, feeling a bit uneasy for some reason. Was it guilt? Sadness? Was what she was doing – wrong?

Yuyuko pushed the feeling away. It was all perfectly normal. Youkai kill humans. Humans kill youkai. Sometimes, a false moon would not go away for a month, plunging the land into an endless night, allowing an ambitious youkai to try to fulfill her dreams. And she would leave her dream for a while, teaching monstrous kids in a blood-soaked school. Then, a hungry ghost would eat her. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Welcome to Gensokyo.

"Lady, the deed is done," a voice came from behind her. Youmu looked slightly shaken, and Yuyuko noticed that she got some of the blood on her ribbon and sleeve.

"Is something bothering you?"

"No, it's just… when I killed her, she didn't explode or anything. Her head just…" Youmu paused. "She was supposed to be a half-beast, right? But she looked like a normal human, even after I…" she paused again. "I've killed humans before, but it was mostly in the heat of combat, and she just didn't move and kept looking at me, just looking and looking until I…"

"Youmu, stop. Just stop. And look at me."

Yuyuko stood up from the window and leveled her gaze with Youmu. The half-ghost girl was on the verge of tears, and it was not a good sign. Something had to be done, so Yuyuko grabbed Youmu by the shoulders and spoke, in low, concerned voice:

"Now, repeat after me: these are not my true feelings. These are not my true thoughts. The moon is trying to drive me crazy, but I resist, with all my might. I am Youmu Konpaku, the proud and true half-ghostly gardener of Hakugyokurou, and I shall know no fear, as I walk into the fire and flames, water and ice, steam and ash, salt and dust, slime and lava, mud and sand, rocks and forests and valleys as I slay villains with my blades and as I serve my lady Yuyuko, to whom my loyalty is immeasurable."

Youmu blinked a few times, and her expression turned to normal, albeit slightly confused one.

"Um… lady Yuyuko, that's too long and a little bit scary. Can I just get some fresh air instead?"

"Sure! I'll be right behind you," Yuyuko cheerfully said and released the girl. She quickly walked away, almost breaking into a run at the end of the hallway.

"Well, then!" Yuyuko said and rubbed her hands, turning in the direction of the destroyed classroom. "It's time for the third course."

**(O,****)**

"Ta-da! I'm back!" Yuyuko announced, kicking open the front doors of the village school.

Youmu was near the porch, holding her ghost half in her hands and examining it. She turned to the voice and froze.

Yuyuko was covered in blood, head to toe. She wore a strange long and slimy red scarf, so long it went down from her neck to the ground and trailed behind her. In her right hand, she held a severed head of Keine. For some reason, the head didn't have eyes.

Then, Youmu realized that wasn't a scarf at all.

"Oh, hey there, Reimu!" Yuyuko exclaimed, clearly addressing someone behind Youmu. The half-ghost girl instinctively turned, but the village square was just as empty as before.

"Oh wait, that's not Reimu, that's just a boulder. Whoopsie!"

"Lady Saigyouji, you have to stop doing that!" Youmu cried out, turning back, and sure enough, Yuyuko looked completely normal again.

"Doing what?"

"That! That thing with the blood you just did! It's not funny! It's scary as hell!"

"I don't know what you are talking about," Yuyuko said in an even and honest voice. "Also, hell isn't that scary, sure, there are some parts, but overall…"

"Let's just go," Youmu wearily said and stood up. "We have to restore the moon, remember?"

"Aww, I thought we were looking for a dragon. I so want to eat a dragon. Of course, it would have many scales, but… Hey, Youmu, are you listening? Where are you going? Wait for me!"

The half ghost didn't turn or slow down, she just kept walking, and Yuyuko sighed.

"I was trying to cheer you up, dummy," she quietly whispered. "But hey, it's probably because I'm not trying hard enough. Next time, I'll definitely get you to smile."

Oh, it would require scale and preparation of course, and proper timing, but Yuyuko was sure she would be able to pull it all off.

It would be the greatest prank ever.


	4. Stage 4: Human

**Stage ****4: Human**

There are three important things to know about bamboo.

First of all, it is grass, not a tree. This fact is important in a situation if you are cutting it down and suddenly blood crazed druids start pouring out at you from every direction, waving their axes and sputtering saliva around, screaming that you must leave their trees alone. Although you would probably be distracted by the fact they are all naked and covered in blue paint, you should retain your composure and calmly explain to them that it's just grass you are destroying, not trees.

The second fact to know about bamboo is that it grows very, very fast. It is important in situations like when before mentioned druids strip you and strap you down to the ground, spread eagle, right above the young bamboo growth. It is important, because of all the things that would undoubtedly go through your mind at that point, like, for example, why the hell there are Celtic barbarians in a bamboo forest, you would definitely know that dozens of tiny spikes digging into your flesh and causing you unimaginable pain are just young bamboo stems, nothing to worry about.

The third fact to know about bamboo is that is edible. So, if after being subjected to a violent torturous death when young sprouts of bamboo grow right through your flesh you ever happen to rise up as a hungry ghost, you can exact your revenge on the fast growing grass and, at the same time, you'll even be able to satiate your ever burning hunger for a while! It's so cool!

"Lady Yuyuko, please, stop eating bamboo," Youmu said for probably tenth time in the last hour. She was walking forward through the growth, cutting stems that were in front of her almost automatically.

And just as automatically, Yuyuko was picking the fallen foliage up and eating it, defying all laws of mass, energy, anatomy and common sense.

"But it is so tasty! And look, we are doing the right and socially acceptable thing, we are creating a path! Soon, travelers from far and wide will follow it, paving it in gold and naming it 'The Way of Youmu Konpaku the Pathfinder'!"

"It would be overgrown in a few days," Youmu wearily said, cutting forward again. "Also, a shielded fairy, to the left."

The new kind of opponent they faced was by far the most annoying one. These fairies surrounded themselves with two layers of spinning danmaku-spewing familiars, and taking them down by conventional means was both extremely time-consuming and tiring.

Of course, Yuyuko's ghostly butterflies existed on drastically different plane of existence, and ignored quite material familiars, danmaku and bamboo, passing right through and slashing the soft fairy bodies into ribbons.

And the wide spread ensured that Yuyuko almost never had to aim. Butterflies flied out, everything around died. Simple, and does not distract from really important things like, for example, industrial-scale bamboo consumption.

"Lady Yuyuko, please, stop eating bamboo," Youmu said probably for eleventh time in the last hour.

"But it is so tasty! Also, look at how messy a path where the bamboo is not being eaten looks!"

Indeed, a little in the distance, another path was crossing theirs, a much wider one. It was also irregular, as if the one who was making it was trying to cover more ground.

"So, should we follow, it lady Yuyuko? We are still lost, so maybe if we ask… No! No! Stop doing that! You can't keep on doing that!"

The last desperate cries were a direct result of Yuyuko moving to the new path, picking up one of the fallen bamboo stems and pushing it in the direction of her open mouth. Youmu rushed forward, grabbing the other end and trying to pull it away.

They struggled for a while, but the situation didn't change, a tug of war that would not end. They struggled, two warriors of equal strength and skill, an epic silent battle that lasted for hours, then days, then weeks…

Okay, not really. It lasted only for about a minute before Yuyuko spoke, in a reverberating, icy-cold voice.

"You can't win, half-human. Your spirit is strong, but your flesh is weak, decaying even as we speak. Give it up."

"No! I won't! If I give up, you will eat the whole forest! Lady Yuyuko, come to your senses, this insane! This is wrong!"

"Sanity is a flawed and artificial concept mortals invented, and I have transcended mortality," Yuyuko continued, her voice becoming more and more inhuman with every word.

"Lady Yuyuko, please, I beg you, listen to reason!"

"Then give me a reason a transcendent being would accept," Yuyuko demanded.

"We don't have time for this! We must restore the moon tonight! Please—"

"Not enough!" Yuyuko howled, and the bamboo stem slipped from Youmu's fingers. She immediately caught it again, but it was merely a few inches from Yuyuko's mouth now.

And so, Youmu realized, this was it, the ultimate test of her body, mind and spirit. Her whole body trembled, sweat dripped down from her forehead, and still, she had to think clearly.

A mistake was unacceptable. A mistake would lead to Yuyuko eating, and eating, and eating until the local farmers would call for a priest to clean up the haunted forest. And so, Reimu Hakurei would enter the forest, and it would end in a lethal danmaku battle, just like it happened last spring…

She could not allow it to happen, for her mistress to get hurt again. She would have to step over her own principles, she would have to lie, to cheat, anything for the victory. It was the only way.

She relaxed inwardly and took a deep breath. There it was. The ultimate test. Pass, and you are the hero. Fail, and everything goes to hell. No pressure. It's easy.

"Lady Yuyuko," she said calmly. "When we entered the path, I saw a glimpse of the dragon in the distance. If we follow, we'll for sure find it."

She paused, and took another deep breath. Keep going. It's easy. Take it easy.

"But if you eat all this bamboo, you will lose your appetite, and you won't be able to enjoy the exquisite dragon meal. So please, follow me and I will lead you to the dragon."

She slowly released her grip. Then she turned, her movements stiff and tense, and took a few steps down the path, every moment expecting the worst, expecting the sound of bamboo being munched to pierce her heart and kill her, leaving her unburied corpse for the rats to feed on.

There was a hollow sound of the bamboo stem falling to the ground, and Youmu inwardly thanked all the holy and benevolent spirits that ever existed, in alphabetical order.

"So, are you going to lead the way or not? I'm hungry for my dragon," Yuyuko said in her normal voice and floated closer. "You know, I didn't see a dragon shape. But I'm eating what's at the end of this road regardless."

She smiled, and Youmu's heart sank. True, she won the battle, but at what cost? A lie was a lie, and it would have to be answered for, and very soon.

Youmu shook her head. No, she could not allow herself to lose focus, she had to remain calm. What, most realistically, could be at the end of the path? Correct, just another bloodthirsty youkai nobody cares about. With some luck, maybe it would even pass up for a dragon in some obscure way.

Youmu returned Yuyuko a false smile and started walking down the new path, keeping an eye out for more fairies. She still felt uneasy, but she tried to look into the future with optimism. After all, there was no way her lie could make things worse than they already were, right?

**(O,)**

"Oh crap," Youmu said.

If only they didn't find this new path. If only she didn't lie to lead Yuyuko here. If only she stopped Yuyuko at the very beginning, when she was about to eat the first bamboo. If only she was stronger, and could tear that bamboo away with brute strength. If only a thousand more things, it wouldn't have ended like this.

It was a perfect catastrophe, an immaculate disaster, a flawless, epic failure. No, it was more, it was the ultimate punishment, she sinned, she lied to her mistress, a simple, white lie that couldn't possibly hurt, and the world punished her, trialed her, announced her verdict, put her on her knees and lifted a sword to cut her head off.

The clearing at the end of the winding cut-trough path was her scaffold.

Because in the middle of it, looking smug and confident stood Marisa Kirisame, an ordinary black witch.

Youmu closed her eyes and awaited the inevitable. The inevitable didn't wait for long.

"Hey, that is no dragon, that's a human!" Yuyuko behind said with clear disappointment. "What are doing here at the middle of the night?"

Youmu breathed out and dared to open her eyes. Maybe it all would still end peacefully. Maybe she wouldn't have to fight Reimu's best friend. Maybe…

"Oh, nothing much, just hunting some youkai," Marisa said dismissively and walked towards them, stopping ten paces away.

A flicker of hope appeared in Youmu's heart. Up close, Marisa didn't look half as threatening or crazy as others, especially Patchouli, described her. Just an ordinary blonde human in ordinary black witch clothing, with quite ordinary looking broom. Youmu decided to take the situation in her own hands.

"Really? We are hunting youkai too! Do you know who is the villain behind the corrupted moon is?"

"Only fools couldn't figure it out, ze~" Marisa said with a sneer. "Because the ones responsible for it are standing right in front of me!"

She raised her arm to the sky and then, in one strong, confident motion, pointed right at Yuyuko.

The flame of hope in Youmu's heart was brutally snuffed out. The metaphorical blade came down, finishing the execution.

"And I am here to stop you!" Marisa finished, creating with these words a metaphorical grave for all past, present and future Youmu's hopes for a peaceful ending for this encounter.

Yuyuko stepped forward, a serene smile on her face. "So, you know, then. And how do you, an ordinary human, expect to stop us?"

"That's a stupid question, ze~" Marisa said, producing an octagonal amulet from the pocket. "With danmaku, of course!"

"Do you not know who I am?" Yuyuko asked, and for some reason, her voice sounded almost seductive. "I am Yuyuko Saigyouji, princess of Netherworld, and I can cause death in humans with a mere thought."

"It didn't stop Reimu from kicking your ghostly butt last spring, did it? You don't use your powers on just anyone."

"Reimu was a special case," Yuyuko said. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "And you are not, Marisa Kirisame. Leave, right now, or you are going to die."

Marisa laughed. "Do you really believe you can…"

Suddenly, she clutched her heart, a pained and scared look on her face. She took a few uneven steps forward and collapsed on her knees, gasping for air.

Youmu froze. She has never seen her mistress using her power before, and never expected to see it used on someone so energetic, so full of life like Marisa.

She wanted to get away from the dying girl but her legs refused to move, as if they were rooted in place. Marisa crawled closer and to Youmu's unending horror, grabbed her skirt.

"Reimu…" Marisa whispered, her eyes quickly losing light. "Reimu always… told me about you… and all I could…"

Her face contorted in pain. Youmu barely suppressed a scream.

"And all I could… was to watch you from a distance. But now, now I can say it… I love you… Youmu… I..."

Her hand lost grip and Marisa fell down in the mud. Her body twitched once and became very, very still.

Youmu regained the ability to move, which she immediately used to stumble back from the dead girl. Panic was boiling inside of her, sending cold and hot waves over her body. Yuyuko didn't seem to care, looking at the fresh corpse with complete disinterest.

"L-l-lady Y-yuyuko," Youmu stammered, her teeth clanging. "We m-must…"

"Dispose of the body?" Yuyuko said, in a quite irritated voice. "And gee, what would be the best method for that, I wonder?"

Youmu tried to control her breathing, but it was like trying to fight a tornado with a sword made from cheese. She failed to say anything, and Yuyuko continued.

"Unfortunately, there will be a spiritual investigation, and I am going to be prime suspect, so I can't taint myself with her flesh. You, on the other hand…"

She trailed off, and Youmu suddenly understood. Yes, there was no other way. She clenched her teeth and steeled her resolve.

"Lady Yuyuko, I understand and I will do it. For your sake, I will eat the body of Marisa Kirisame."

And as if Youmu didn't endure enough mental suffering that night, the body of Marisa Kirisame started laughing. Then it started rolling on the ground, holding her sides and laughing, laughing, laughing…

Youmu felt strangely calm. She was always afraid of losing her mind, but now, when she clearly have gone off the deep end it was not that bad. Sure, there were social repercussions, she would lose her job and spend the rest of her days in a small white room wall with soft walls, but really, what could she really do? It was too late to struggle at this point anyway.

The rolling stopped and Marisa stood up, snickering. She wiped the mud off her face and examined herself.

"Wow, that's a lot of dirt. Totally worth it though," she said, and snickered again.

It is perfectly okay too, Youmu thought. It's a little comfortable world inside her head where people spontaneously resurrect after they are killed. In reality she probably already started chopping the corpse into chunks that would be small enough for Myon to digest, but here, in this intricate illusion, maybe she and that weird risen Marisa could even become friends…

"But fun is fun, and business is business. I'm still stopping you," Marisa said, putting her hat back and mounting her broom. "So you'd better be prepared, ze~"

"The endless night is the effect, and the moon is the cause," Yuyuko calmly said. "You should be removing the cause."

"Yeah, sure," Marisa agreed and took off in the air. "But the cause I would still have to find, and you are right here. And besides, tomorrow is the autumn festival, and I'd like some sun."

"Well, it's your choice. We won't go easy on you, though. Youmu, stop daydreaming and get ready!"

Youmu silently nodded and took the battle stance. Even in this perfect illusionary world, there still wasn't anything to her life except danmaku battles. Well then, so be it.

"So, it's two against one, eh?" Marisa said, drawing out her spell octagon. "In this case, I get two tries! Magic Sign: Milky Way!"

Marisa Kirisame wasn't a youkai, a chosen of the gods, a demon or even a human with some bizarre inherited abilities. She was just an ordinary human, and everything she owned she got through hard, grueling study.

Except for what she shamelessly stole, of course, but at the moment, it is not important.

Her spell, however, was everything but ordinary. First of all, she was not just firing bland, non-descript danmaku, she was shooting stars, colourful, explosive and razor-sharp stars of all colors and sizes. Five familiars circled around her, releasing random star bursts. Her miniature octagonal spell furnace gushed out a beautiful spinning star spiral.

Youmu rushed forward and took off into the air too. This was no longer a joke. This was a skilled, dangerous opponent, with spell cards that allowed no mistakes. She breathed in and focused.

Wait for the familiar to release a blast. Sidestep. Pass through the star spiral. Move forward. Blast. Sidestep. Spiral. Blast…

And Marisa was no fool either. She heard stories about Youmu, mostly about her legendary naivety and inability to get jokes, hell, she even checked just now just to see if those stories were true. They were, and it was hilarious, but it was also a bit unnerving.

Because other stories described Konpaku clan as masters of swordfight and discipline. Because there were stories in which Youmu cut all the grass in the garden in a single slash. Because Reimu, when asked about a fight in ghostly realm, summarized Youmu as "definitely no pushover".

And so, as soon as the half-ghost covered half the way to her, Marisa switched her spell.

Magic Sign: Stardust Reverie!

Now, this spell card didn't just protect its user with familiars. It created an enclosed space on the battlefield where starry patterns swirled, limiting mobility and dazzling any opponent unfortunate enough to be caught inside.

Marisa noticed she was also being attacked by ghostly butterflies, but those collided with stars and burned out long before reaching her, so she concentrated on Youmu's movements instead.

And still, she nearly missed it, the attack that would have left her without a head if it would connect properly. There was no movement, no preparation, just a blink and a sudden black wave created by slashed danmaku, closing in with impossible speed

Marisa dodged, and the wave moved in past her, blowing into her face a gust of frigid wind. She spun and saw Youmu behind her, sheathing her blades.

"Haha, you missed, ze~!"

"I didn't," Youmu responded, and as proof, pain shot up Marisa's left arm. She winced, clutching the wound, and felt something warm and wet under her fingers.

"So, it's going to be like that?" she said, a psychotic smirk forming on her face. "So, now it's a fight to the death, eh? Except you can't die, and I can, ze~. How delightful."

"You can just give up and let us go, you know," Yuyuko said. "But if you value your festival more than your own life, who am I to stop you?"

"I am not giving up because of a scratch! I am going to cut you myself! Love Sign: Non-Directional Laser!"

Now, anyone who would say this spell card was unoriginal and stolen would be immediately proven wrong, especially if that person would first anger Marisa beyond reason.

First of all, the original non-directional laser used by Patchouli Knowledge had only four beams, and Marisa's version had five. Not that big of a difference you might say, but if you are, for example, a creature that can survive your limbs cut off, the fifth beam that slices off your head makes all the difference.

Secondly, Patchouli's version used wider beams, burning your flesh first and allowing you, with some luck, escape with horrible burns. This is important if you are a creature that can't regenerate lost limbs without outside help.

Thirdly, it just looked prettier, the multicolored palette creating a warm, relaxing atmosphere of death.

Youmu performed a backflip, letting the thin green beam to pass under her. She no longer could close in on her opponent, because despite all her boasting of her blades being able to cut anything, in case of coherent energy beams the laws of physics just could not be denied.

She dodged again, ducking this time. The beams continued onward, cutting bamboo and increasing the radius of the clearing. Yuyuko had to dodge too, changing altitude. She continued to fire away her butterflies, but the large stars that supported the beams were still an obstacle.

"Lady Yuyuko, we can't keep this up for long!" Youmu shouted when the spell clicked another phase. "Is it going to time out soon?"

"Not likely," Yuyuko answered, and a teal beam passed inches away from her hat. "Just read the pattern or something. And don't be afraid of it, Yukari once told me that humans beyond the border proved laser to be just a very concentrated sunlight. Sorry, I don't remember word for word."

"Sunlight? But if it is…"

Another beam drew closer, and it was yellow, the fact that only increased Youmu's confidence. It was risky, but if it would succeed, it would end the battle. She had to try.

She crossed her blades, and put them in the path of the laser.

The beam collided with youkai-forged steel. The blades immediately became white-hot, and the ancient metal almost screamed, but it also managed to reflect the large portion of the beam back, into the cluster of generating familiars.

There was an explosion, and Marisa was thrown back, dazed and disoriented. Some of the butterflies passed through the collapsed barrier, and she covered her face with her arms.

Yuyuko flexed her wrist, and the butterflies dispersed, passing the witch harmlessly.

"I give you one more chance to surrender, Marisa Kirisame. Don't throw your life away so easily."

Marisa stared back defiantly. A streak of blood came down from the corner of her mouth, and she wiped it away with her torn sleeve.

"Who the hell do you think I am," she started quietly, but her voice increased in volume with every word. "And who the hell do you think you are, telling me what to do with my life? The living shall never bow down to the dead! Never! Return to your graves! Light Sign: Earth Light Ray!"

Once again, as the name implied, the spell card had everything to do with lasers and light. The stars were no longer colored, they were real miniature stars, blazing with blinding yellow radiance. The familiars were no longer used for protection, they were thrown around the battlefield, creating a minefield of upward slicing beams.

A few butterflies reached Marisa and she knocked them away. Youmu navigated the beams, lunged forward and the witch dodged, throwing familiars around to cover her retreat, but it was obvious she was long beyond her limit. She missed another butterfly cloud, and the little undead insects latched into her hat.

She threw it away and again barely dodged Youmu's blade, ducking under it. Her hand slipped, and she tumbled down from her broom, landing poorly and rolling on the ground.

The spell collapsed, and the last familiars exploded, adding a few more craters to the already torn battlefield. The soil fumed, mana-saturated vapors rising up and creating a thin blue mist.

"It is… not over… yet…" Marisa nearly coughed out. She rolled on her back, and tried to sit up. "I still can…"

"No you can't," Yuyuko said, giving Youmu a sign to keep back and floating closer to the fallen witch. "Your spirit is strong, but your flesh is weak. You are just an ordinary human, after all."

"No…" Marisa shook her head. "I am not…"

Her hands buckled and she fell back, losing consciousness. Yuyuko floated to her prone body, and kneeled down.

"I gave you three chances to back down, and you still didn't listen, such is the magnitude of human arrogance. And now, pay the ultimate price. Here comes death."

She slowly reached out to Marisa's face and Youmu's throat went instantly dry, like cotton was stuffed down it. True, this human was powerful, unstable and dangerous, but it was still too much.

"L-lady Yuyuko, we have won. It is not nec—"

Youmu didn't finish, because Marisa's eyes suddenly opened and her face contorted, forming an insane, vicious and bloody smile. Her arm shot out, pressing a tiny spell furnace against Yuyuko's forehead.

"**Love Sign"**

"Look out!" Youmu shouted on the run, already knowing she was too late, that even with all her speed, she could never stop a birth of a new star inside the tiny box, a supernova that blasted through a narrow opening right into Yuyuko's smiling face…

"**MASTER SPA****RK!"**

Everything went white.

**(O,****)**

Numbness. Partial loss of hearing. A feeling you are being crushed by something. Three kinds of pain in your body – a sucking, dull pain in your limbs, a pulsating, sharp pain in your head and piercing, constant pain in your eyes.

Those are all common symptoms of a condition known as "Being hit by a Master Spark". If you have at least half of these symptoms, please contact trained medical personnel for assistance.

Unfortunately, there were no trained medical personnel around to help Youmu Konpaku, so she had to start a process of healing her body using her own innate regenerative powers.

Except, well, she had no regenerative powers beyond those of a normal human, so she instead clenched her teeth and wished for the pain to go away.

Warning! The General Medial Association of Gensokyo in no way endorses or considers the mentioned actions taken by Youmu Konpaku acceptable or safe. In fact, the longer you delay a visit to a doctor in such a case, the more extensive the damage to your vital organs may become. The Medical Association of Gensokyo is always willing to help those in pain and our trained professionals will treat you with outmost respect and care.

This public service announcement was brought to you by General Medical Association of Gensokyo, in association with Hakurei Shrine. Donate now!

First, of course, Youmu had to dig herself out from under all the dirt and bamboo that fell on her after she got hit by Marisa's spell. Then, she furiously tried to blink away a static image of the beam from her eyes. Then, for some reason, she started to search around for her swords, only to discover ten or so minutes later that she was holding them in her hands the whole time.

Then, she noticed that her ribbon was dirty, so she sat down, removed it and started to rub the dark red stains away. Then she put the ribbon in her hair again, but became unsatisfied with how it looked, so she adjusted, and adjusted, and adjusted…

Simply put, Youmu Konpaku was in a state of shock.

It lasted for about half an hour, her activities disjointed, random, and, to an outside observer, quite insane. Finally she stopped, blinked a few times and looked around, realizing who she was, where she was, and what she was supposed to be doing.

Oh crap. Lady Yuyuko.

Finding her way back to the battle site was actually quite easy, as Master Spark created a wide cut-through that was impossible to miss. Youmu ran, jumping over fallen bamboo, blades drawn. She ran into a clearing, half-expecting another fight with Marisa, but the witch was nowhere to be seen, and judging by the facts that her broom and hat were gone too and a phrase "Let's call it even, ze~" burned into the ground, the wounded girl has probably left long ago.

Then, Youmu saw Yuyuko, lying down in a trench the spell created near its origin point.

Yuyuko was dead.

Normally, it would be a redundant statement, like saying "the rock was hard" or "the river was wet", but in this case, Yuyuko looked especially dead, complete with glazed over eyes, half opened mouth and absolute lack of any movement.

"Lady Yuyuko!" Youmu desperately yelled, running to the prone ghost and kneeling down beside her. "Lady Yuyuko, please wake up! Please, say something, please, tell me it was just a joke, please, please…"

She started crying, her tears streaming down her dirty face, dripping down from her chin. And when the tears landed on Yuyuko's dead face, a miracle happened, as she breathed in and came back to life, after a thousand years of being a ghost, her heart was beating once again…

Well, not really. But she sure waked up, and her eyes focused on the crying girl.

"Oh hello there…" she started, and was immediately almost crushed in a hug. Confused, she lightly tapped Youmu on the back. "There, there, it's all right. I'm fine, really. You can stop. I said you can stop. Seriously, stop, it's not healthy."

Youmu let go and jerked back, her lips trembling and her face quickly turning red. "I… didn't mean to…"

"Yeah, yeah, we all get it, strange emotions and all that. You know the drill, blame it on the moon," Yuyuko said quite coldly, standing up and dusting herself off. "Still that's no excuse for coming in full-body physical contact with me for such a long time."

Youmu dropped on her both knees. "Lady Yuyuko, I'm sorry! I was just so worried..."

"Fool!" Yuyuko shouted. "I'm a ghost! When touched, a ghost saps life away from the living! You could have gotten anemia, or worse!"

She stopped, a strange feeling rising inside of her. What was that? Care? Sympathy? Love?

Yuyuko vomited a rainbow.

Yes, this was exactly what happened. It was a complete rainbow, seven colors and all. It also had half-digested chunks of stars embedded in it, fabulously sparkling in the moonlight. Needless to say, all of this majestic energy washed over poor Youmu, covering her head to toe. Thankfully, it wasn't corrosive, but still, it was in no way a pleasant experience.

What followed was a full minute filled only with awkward silence and a soft hissing sound of evaporating magic.

Then, Youmu stood up, her face a mask of granite and her gaze so intense it could melt the mentioned rock. Not literally, of course, despite how cool it would likely be.

"Lady Saigyouji, I see a giant mansion in the distance," Youmu said through clenched teeth. "Let's go there and slaughter everyone inside. We've wasted more than enough time here."

"Oh, don't worry, for a ghost, there is no such thing as wasted time," Yuyuko said with a strained smile, but Youmu didn't respond, brushing past her and continuing forward, to the path created by the Master Spark, at the end of which a dark shape of an enormous mansion was indeed visible.

But for Yuyuko, it was not only a shape. This place held power within, real power, and this power could not be contained, seeping out through every window, every opening, every crack, the power of madness and eternity.

Yuyuko's fake smile turned into a real, and a quite wicked one. It was all going just as planned.

She would have her dragon, after all.


	5. Stage 5: Rabbit

**Stage 5: ****Rabbit**

I am in hell.

My pitiful existence is filled with unimaginable, unending torment, a world where there is no hope, only suffering and despair.

And yet, nobody notices it. They even barely notice me, like I'm some part of furniture or room decoration. They forget about me the moment they turn away. I am nothing.

I have a name, given to me by my mistress. She called me Myon, because it sounds cute. She considers me cute. I am a ghostly orb that leaves behind a pale trail when it moves, and she considers me cute. It hurts so much.

I am her ghost half, her spiritual part, her eternal slave. I am forever chained to her, the ties that will only be severed when one of us dies. Freedom of movement is denied to me, I can manage to get away a few paces sometimes, rarely more, but that's not the worst part.

The worst part is that I always feel what she feels, every sliver of her emotions, foreign, intrusive feelings that are not mine. I am tainted by her, she is a poison that will never go away, eating me from the inside.

What did I do to deserve such a punishment? I don't know, for I have no memory of the life before I was a part of Youmu Konpaku. Was I born with her? Was I just a stray soul grafted into her by mistake? Was I a sinner in my past life, a mass murderer? Was I meant be punished or is this all a colossal mistake, a joke?

I don't know, and I probably never will. All I know that it is something I can't escape. I can't even kill myself, as the moment I think about it, Youmu notices, and her emotions overwhelm me, tearing away my thoughts and needs. Then, she would often take me in her hands and hug me, telling that everything will be okay and there is no need to be upset.

Oh, how I hate being touched. How I hate absolutely everything about the Netherworld, that endlessly withering garden, that endlessly crumbling shrine that always needs cleaning and repairs, those spirits around, reeking of decay and death.

But most of all, I hate Yuyuko Saigyouji, that ancient undying monster. I hate how Youmu treats her, bowing to her every whim. I hate how she looks at me, no doubt knowing of my peril, how she winks to me when Youmu is not looking and how she sometimes grabs me, teasing me with a final death that would never come...

My name is Myon. I am a round, milky-white object that hangs around Youmu Konpaku. I leave a hazy trail in the air behind me when I move. I have no eyes, yet I can see. I have no ears, yet I can hear.

I have no mouth. And I must scream.

**(O,)**

Youmu is nearing a breaking point. Her hate washes over me, and my ghostly form gains crimson hues. Her intent to kill passes to me, and I absorb it like a sponge, savoring every drop of this pure, exquisite hate.

Oh, how I will enjoy killing them, it doesn't even matter whom. They deserve it, they always do, for everything they've done, they will pay a hundred, thousand times more. I will maim, and kill, and crush, and rip, and tear. Rip and tear!

The door of the mansion is before us, and she kicks it in, ancient hinges screeching in pain. We are inside, and the door slams behind us. No matter. It would be better if that door cut off Yuyuko from us, but no matter.

The mansion stinks of rodents and rodent piss. The floor is nearly covered with them, little white beast with long ears and crimson eyes. Some of them are copulating. Some of them are dead. Some of them are changing, mutating with fairy flesh. Some of them have already changed, floating in the air and preparing to attack us.

Youmu takes off in the air and starts her dance of death. My hate can no longer be contained, and I release it towards the enemy. It takes shape, ghostly razors slicing through air and flesh. I am the instrument of death. I am the scythe.

More rise up from the floor, ugly and misshapen things. They create their little circles of power, they fire bullets at us, hot, fast-moving bullets. They try to stop us, and they can't. Our hate can not be stopped. We are not to be denied our blood.

We clear the room. The smaller rodents, fearful, pathetic, try to scurry away. We would not let them escape. We would not let anyone escape. Kill them all.

Yuyuko picks up a dead rodent and carries it to her mouth. Youmu slaps it away. She says, in a polite tone that hides a boiling hatred, "Lady Yuyuko, do you want me to repeat what I said about bamboo?"

Yuyuko is not liking it, I can tell. She would like more than anything to crawl on the floor, gorging on rabbit entrails. She smiles instead, and makes a silly face. "No, no, you don't need to remind me. Of course, we would like to leave some place for the main course, the dragon!"

Two-faced, hypocritical bitch.

We move forward, into a damp and narrow corridor. The walls are covered in tapestries, rotten rabbit pelts woven into them. The walls are trying to scare us. The walls are trying to choke us. We don't care in the slightest.

More of rabbit-fairy abominations pour out from the other side. They fill the corridor with their protection circles and their bullets. Yuyuko creates a swirling stream of butterflies with her own abilities. The tapestries are torn. The walls moan and warp. They die, and we move forward.

A door, fresh and rotten rabbit ears nailed to it. A large hall with three spiral staircases. She stands in the middle, a rabbit that failed to become a human, her posture slumped just as her ears are. She is wearing a pink dress and carrying a long wooden mallet. She speaks, her voice squeaky and nasal.

"I am Tewi Inaba, leader of the earth rabbits of Eientei."

She releases a swarm of projectiles, a pattern that fills the room, restricting movement. Rabbit fairies burst in from every direction, from behind every tapestry, every overturned pot, every cleverly hidden niche.

It's a trap. But traps work both ways.

Youmu stands perfectly still, allowing the bullet storm to pass her. She doesn't move a muscle, and I dance in the air, spraying death that can not be avoided. The fairies fall, and with every little scream, every tiny explosion the room clears.

Youmu makes a dash forward and Tewi jumps back, landing on a staircase and running up. Youmu follows, but the moment she is in a strike distance, the rabbit leader jumps on the adjacent staircase.

She fires another volley, even denser than before, and more fairies join the fight. We are at the staircase, and the metal protects us, so they target Yuyuko instead. I want her to die.

She doesn't die. She releases a swarm of butterflies, and chants a name of her spell card, Ghastly Dream. She kills everyone except the leader.

Tewi is in pain. Her ears and clothes are torn, and she loses her footing, tumbling down the staircase. She tries to crawl away. Youmu wouldn't let her, pinning her to the ground with her blades. She still doesn't die.

"You must be a really old rabbit if you managed to almost take human shape and gained an ability to speak," Yuyuko says, floating closer and licking her lips. "I heard that a foot taken from such a rabbit brings especially good luck, and we'll need two. Youmu, finish this."

Youmu hesitates, but only for a second. In a flash, her blades fly up. Tewi screams, twitching spasmodically. She somehow manages to reach the bottom of the third staircase with a tip of her mallet.

She hits something there, and it makes a loud metallic clang. The staircase collapses down into seemingly bottomless shaft and the floor shakes, throwing Youmu off-balance. Her blades come down and hit the floor, creating a shower of sparks. Tewi, leaving a thick blood trail behind her, pulls herself into a newly created circular hole in the floor. A diaphragm of solid metal closes the shaft behind her.

"Oh no! My lucky rabbit feet, they escaped! What a tragedy!" Yuyuko shouts in mock despair.

"We'll kill them all when we burn this place down," Youmu hisses in rage.

I am unable to speak.

**(O,)**

I am going insane. Youmu is going insane. This place drives us mad, it whips our minds, a lash for each step we take.

Yuyuko does not seem to notice, to her, it's just a sightseeing trip, she is like a tourist, overseeing a plague infested town through a looking glass, a tourist, safe on the ship, a mile upwind. And we walk the streets, breathing in the disease of brain.

The mansion twists and turns, a labyrinth of madness and futility. Heavy metal doors block our path, painted red, blue and gold. Their oversized keys, painted respectively, are somewhere else, guarded, hidden or sometimes broken into pieces.

There is a key at the bottom of a bath tub filled with used syringes.

There is a key locked in a box that would open only if a right tune would be played on the grand piano next to it.

There is a key that is swallowed by a fairy, and we chase her down for a long time before I finally get her with my razor blast.

Sometimes, the keys break in the locks.

Sometimes, when we open the door, there is a solid wall behind.

Sometimes, we move just a little bit forward.

The rabbit motif is ever-present, but the deeper we go, the less prominent it is, as another takes over. The Moon.

An obsession with gray. Small effigies of moon rocks, tiny places of worship. Tapestries, wallpapers, posters on the walls, that round face, that ugly, round and bloated face. The moon is everywhere, it shines from every barred window, it reflects in dusty and cracked mirrors, it pierces through my mind, whispering, shouting, talking in an endless monotone.

"Rabbits are making cookies on the moon," it says, over and over and over again.

…rabbits are making cookies on the moon rabbits are making cookies on the moon rabbits are making cookies on the moon rabbits are making cookies on the moon rabbits are making cookies on the moon rabbits are murdering cookies on the moon rabbits are making cookies on the moon rabbits are making cookies on the moon rabbits are making corpses on the moon rabbits are making cookies on the moon rabbits are making cookies on the moon…

Another door opens and we find ourselves in a circular, domed room. A humanoid rabbit in black jacket formally bows to us, but there is neither dignity nor respect in her posture and smile. Her short skirt is crumpled, and so are her ears. She is averting her eyes.

"I am Reisen Udongein Inaba, the Lunatic Rabbit of the Moon," she says, emphasizing every word. She makes a wide gesture around the room. "Welcome."

"I am Youmu Konpaku, half-ghostly gardener of the Netherworld, and I am here to put an end to your schemes, villain."

Reisen seems to be amused. "Ghosts? How unusual. Well, you are too late, as I've sealed all the doors leading away from this place. You won't be able to hinder our plans any further."

"What plans? Are you behind the moon incident? I'm Yuyuko, by the way," Yuyuko says, feigning innocence. Oh, how she loves doing that. I hate this quality of her. I hate everything about her. I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it…

"The moon incident? You mean, an earth-sealing spell? Of course we are behind it," Reisen says proudly. Her confidence is unnerving and annoying. I want her to shut up. I want her to bleed.

"Lady Yuyuko, let me slash her," Youmu voices my desire.

"You should stop your spell, it is very troublesome. Youmu, go ahead and slash her," Yuyuko orders. Youmu takes a battle stance. Let's finish this.

"Oh, such a rude ghost. Aren't you even going to let us explain?"

A human descends from somewhere above. She wasn't there a moment before, and yet here she is, slowly floating down. Her posture is regal, but her smile is wicked and crooked. Her clothes are formal, yet strange, red and black sewn together, constellations and stars used as thread. Her hat betrays her occupation – a medic, and her weapon signifies her combat style – she is a coward, keeping at distance, raining arrows from afar. She does not introduce herself.

"What is it, are we having visitors? Are these ghosts your playthings or is it just another pathetic invasion attempt?"

Her voice reeks of arrogance and disdain. She considers us unworthy of her time, her words, her breath. I want to take her by the throat and kick her in the face until her arrogance caves in along with her nose. I want to see her choke on her own blood.

"Another one responsible," Youmu says, her rage still barely contained. "Shall I slash her too? Lady Yuyuko, just give me an order."

"I am the only one responsible here for everything," Eirin says coldly. "I've just met you, and I've already had it about enough of this stupidity. Udonge, I leave this to you."

She ascends to the ceiling and disappears. Youmu is like an attack dog, gnawing at her chain. Yuyuko is smiling again. She is always smiling in situations like this. Why is she smiling? Does she find it funny or amusing or is it a blood-crazed smile of a maniac? I can't tell. I can never tell. I will never be able to tell.

Reisen starts snickering, her whole body shaking, her broken ears flopping on her head. She spins in place once, and stops, looking at us. No, she isn't looking, her eyes are closed, she is just facing us properly now. Her face is twitching.

She is opening her eyes.

Oh gods, she is opening her eyes.

Her eyes are swirling with crimson. Her eyes are like two bottomless slated wells of blood. Her eyes harbor screaming souls, flayed infants, knotted arteries and liquid insanity. Her eyes. Her eyes her eyes her eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes eyes…

"Yes! My eyes contain the full power of the True Moon! Gaze into them and lose the last vestiges of your sanity! This is your end! Wave Sign: Mind Shaker!"

Bullets, innumerable bullets. Elongated and sharpened at one end, waves and waves of pink and blue solid bullets. Youmu manages to dodge, finding gaps in every wave, but progress is impossible, Reisen just keeps firing, and firing, and firing…

Then in an instant, the bullets vanish. The air is clear and Youmu, slightly confused, takes a step forward.

"Look out!" Yuyuko shouts. Is it a tint of worry I hear in her voice?

Youmu immediately jumps back and the bullets appear again, as if they never vanished. Because they never did. Our mind is like a mold to her, she does whatever she wants to us.

I am so going to enjoy killing her.

"Oh, so you are able to see through my illusions," Reisen says calmly, absolutely calmly before suddenly screaming, a strange, undulating scream. "Well, in this case I will have to just TURN YOU INSIDE OUT WITH MY POWERS AND HANG YOU _out to dry._ Why, wouldn't it be great?"

"Your cheap tricks won't help you," Yuyuko responds, looking bored already. "Youmu, just let her spells time out. I want her pelt intact for my third guest room."

"Don't you dare," Reisen growls. "Don't you dare to treat me like some washed-up scum to wipe your feet on. BECAUSE I'M NOT! I'M NOT, YOU HEAR ME? _You hear me, right?_ Do you think I'm screaming for no reason? I'm picking a frequency, you see, a resonant frequency of your minds. And when I'll pick it… you'll see. YOU'LL ALL SEE NOTHING! Lunatic Sign: Visionary Tuning!"

A sizzling seal appears in the air, creating a v-shaped pattern of bullets. It starts moving sideways across the battlefield and splits, creating the similar inverted seal. The patterns overlap, creating rhomboid cells. It stops our progress again. It delays the inevitable. Delaying the inevitable doesn't make it any less so.

More and more seals appear and the pattern becomes more and more intricate. Yuyuko is looking bored out of her mind. Youmu is doing her best to stay alive. Reisen's eyes flash.

Youmu stops, looking desperate and confused. "I… I can't see anything! I…"

Yuyuko silently glides to her, taking her hand. She leads her, not like a blind is led, but like a partner in a dance, guiding her through the death labyrinth with precision and grace. I absolutely hate it when she treats Youmu like that, because these moments, it looks like she really cares. She doesn't, and I know it, I can swear my life on it, Youmu is just a tool to her, no, even less, a toy she plays with when she gets bored. Yuyuko, leave us alone, and die, die, die!

The spell times out. It had to happen eventually. Reisen is not pleased. Reisen is furious, her fury pushing at her from the inside. She is like a bladder that is about to burst.

She doesn't. She calms down. She figured out our frequency, but she can't do anything against Yuyuko. The only thing left for her is to hope Youmu will make a mistake. She won't.

Reisen doesn't shout anymore. She doesn't talk anymore. She holds her insanity inside, and announces her next spell card. Loafing Sign: Idling Wave.

The room starts spinning. Four seals appear around us, spinning with the room. To us, they are immobile. Maybe they are really immobile, and everything is in our heads. Maybe everything since the moment we stepped into the mansion is in our heads. Maybe the mansion is bright, happy and peaceful place, and we are the only insane monsters here. I don't want that to be true. Oh, how I don't want that to turn out to be true.

Yuyuko leads Youmu again. Youmu can't see the bullets. I can, barely, they are slow and easy to dodge, but she can't see any of them. She only sees Reisen's lunatic eyes. The world consists only of her eyes.

The spell times out quickly, but we are still no closer to defeating our opponent. She is unscathed, and shows no signs of fatigue. Maybe she has five more spell cards. Maybe, ten. Maybe, she can keep this up forever, switching them around, I don't know.

But I know that Youmu is not invincible. She is getting tired, and her movements slow. Her hate, the force that has driven us so far, is starting to wane. Fear, a cold and sticky fear, creeps in.

And Reisen notices it.

"So, this is the end then, eh? No point in dragging this any further, then," she says, licking her lips. "You know, I shall enjoy killing you, half-ghost. And for you, the one immune to my powers, we'll find a nice and cozy consecrated barrel to pickle you in. Time to finish this. Spread Sign: Invisible Full Moon!"

The spinning of the room is gaining in speed. Reisen's outline blurs, and an image of the full moon appears behind her. The visage of her eyes grows larger and larger, until the moon itself is staring at us, a condemning and hateful stare.

Bullets. Waves of bullets, dense, spreading and intersecting, filling everything. The waves bend to the spinning rhythm, they are irregular, the gaps open and close in a moment, creating deadly lures and traps in the pattern. They vanish and appear, the spinning of the room is nearly unbearable, and Yuyuko…

Yuyuko yawns. She releases Youmu's hand. She takes a step forward, and bullets graze past her. She raises her hand, a little pink fan in it, a fan she pulled out from somewhere in her clothing. She chants a name of her ultimate spell card, a silly, idiotic name.

Deadly Butterfly: Everlasting Nap.

A blast from her fan knocks the bullets aside. The bullets crack, and from each and every one, a butterfly is born. They flutter, blocking my view.

Reisen screams. It is a long, howling scream, and I'm loving every last second of it. Youmu's rage finally boils over. She runs to the source of the scream.

The butterflies wilt and die, their ghostly forms burning out. Reisen is still standing, still screaming, her face and body a bloody unrecognizable mess. Youmu reaches her, and slashes forward with her katana. The screaming stops.

But Youmu does not. She throws her long blade aside and tackles her opponent to the ground. She stabs Reisen with her short sword, again, again and again, long after her opponent has stopped moving, she keeps stabbing.

Yuyuko floats closer to her. "Youmu, it is over," she says, and for once, I don't hate her for that.

Something inside Youmu breaks, something vital. She throws her sword aside and starts crying, rocking back and forth. She is soaked in blood.

I want to comfort her, and yet I can't. It's the worse part of the torture – to be helpless, to not be able to contribute, and I am always like that, and always will be. Nothing will ever change.

Yuyuko leans forward, and taps Youmu lightly on the head. There is a tiny release of energy, and Youmu falls.

And with her, I fall into darkness.


	6. Stage 6: Immortal

**Stage 6: Immortal**

Everything was in peaceful, perfect harmony.

Finally, after all these long and hectic years, Youmu could stop and reflect on the path she managed to take and all the grand projects she managed to complete.

The garden was in pristine condition, and neatly trimmed lawns were like little pools of emerald water. The pond was cleaned of reeds, and lazy fat carps glided slowly in clear and calm waters.

The shrine was repaired and cleaned, ready to hold a formal event any moment. These became frequent lately, emissaries from far and wide coming to pay their respects to the mistress of the Netherworld. Yuyuko greeted them with style and class, finally accepting and growing into her role as a princess.

Youmu faithfully served her at these events, imposing authority with her posture and ever-present blades. Not that she ever had to use them of course, the worse that could happen was an infrequent mission of escorting some jolly drunk spirits out during festivals.

Things were settling down in Gensokyo too, the mature and experienced priestess of the Hakurei shrine keeping everything under control. The three great youkai wars were over long ago, and the wilderness finally became safe for the travelers even at night.

Maybe it was time for her to settle down too, Youmu thought. After all, she never had any shortage of potential suitors, men of knowledge, wealth and power. She would continue serving Yuyuko, of course, all while raising her own children and grandchildren, until one day, she would pass her blades to the most gifted one, continuing the ancient tradition.

And then, after a long and fulfilling life she would pass away peacefully, her body returning to earth and her spirit rising up to heavens, to prepare for the next reincarnation…

And, with a feeling of final eternal peace, Youmu woke up to the sizzling sound of the stove and rancid smell of cooking, in a large, filthy kitchen. She was lying on an extremely hard and uncomfortable bench, wrapped in a small, dirty kitchen towel. Underneath it, as she found a few seconds later, she was completely naked.

Oh crap.

Suppressing a desire to release a quite undignified yelp Youmu sat up, frantically examining her surroundings. Well, almost all the important things were at least there, if a bit spread out in space.

Her blades were on the table, among some pots and plates. Her dress, along with assorted underwear, was hanging above an empty lit stove, in blatant and nearly sacrilegic disregard for the rules of fire safety. Her clothes were extremely dirty with gods know what, from normal dirt to rainbow-colored mythical star patterns.

Last, but not least, the kitchen featured Yuyuko, who was busily concocting something in a series of pots on another stove.

Of course, each and every one of these things raised a series of very important questions, but every time Youmu tried to address any of them, the ship of her thoughts hit a very unpleasant and unnerving shoal of emptiness. In other, much simpler terms, she had one of the most clichéd and overused in fiction mental conditions that may affect an action hero – retrograde amnesia.

And it wasn't funny in the slightest, because there is nothing funny about waking up one day and finding out that your memory now has a gaping hole a size of a day in it, and you can only hope that the day before the other you who was in control in your body acted like a reasonable and responsible person, and all that red on your clothing is totally just ketchup. And the star patterns are totally because you played with stencils and paint, not because you were in a vicious fight to the death with a star wielding mage. And once again, those stains are absolutely totally just ketchup…

Youmu released a short nervous laugh and Yuyuko turned to her, a soup ladle in her hand. She asked a single question, which sounded like it was a part of some kind of test.

"Youmu, would you like some rabbit stew?"

"Err… actually, I'm not very hungry right now, so I would probably go for something lighter," Youmu answered truthfully. Judging from Yuyuko's relieved expression, she just passed.

"Good, good," Yuyuko quietly said, nodding to herself. "Well then, it's almost morning and we still have to defeat an immortal master of illusions, medicine and rabbits. Are you up to the task?"

"Say what who where?" Youmu stumbled, but immediately corrected herself. This was not important. She had a task given to her, and the task had to be completed. She stood up, holding the tiny towel so it wouldn't slip, and nodded confidently.

"Great!" Yuyuko exclaimed, and stirred the stew in the pot with her ladle. "And if you still worry about your memory, don't be, as it will return slowly over the course of the month, in nightmares and terrifyingly real flashbacks. Get dressed, I'll be outside."

She closed the pot with an oversized lid and floated out, leaving it on the stove. Youmu took her clothes, partly damp, partly nearly at the point of combustion, and started to dress with precision and haste, like a real soldier would.

Where was she? Why was lady Yuyuko making rabbit stew? Why did she lose her memory? Why did her clothes have to be cleaned up? Who was the enemy?

All these questions Youmu mercilessly and effectively pushed out of her head. It was not important. The mission was important, and lady Yuyuko knew what had to be done. And she, Youmu Konpaku, the half-ghostly gardener of Hakugyokurou shrine, would do it without delay.

The funny thing is, if she took five seconds and looked under the lid of the largest bubbling pot, she would probably scream and run away from that place as far as she could. Then, she would most certainly resign her vows to Yuyuko, whom she would only see from that point on as a horrendous, soulless monster. And then, without being able to bear the shame of serving such a monster, she would perform a ritual suicide.

Well, she probably wouldn't go that far, but she'd be very, very disgusted that's for sure. Or at least, mildly disgusted. Boiling humanoid rabbit heads are not pleasant to look at, trust me.

But of course, she never looked into the pot and, having finished her dressing with a proper adjustment of the ribbon in her hair, she followed Yuyuko outside, into the long, seemingly endless corridor.

The final battle for the fate of Gensokyo has begun.

**(O,)**

The long corridor was extremely, unbelievably long. It stretched for untold miles in every direction, and Youmu started to wonder if it was made from smaller corridors stitched together. These thoughts evoked strange a feeling of déjà vu, it was something scratching at the back of her mind with sharp, foot-long talons. It was unnerving.

They were attacked, again and again, by strange fairy-bunny hybrids. They actually looked quite cute, and Youmu felt a little bit sorry about slicing them up. They provided a challenge though, and she would not allow Yuyuko to be harmed, not on her watch.

They were pretty organized, their attack using clear restrictive patterns. Once in a while, they were attacked by loners, though, those highly skilled fairies filling the air with swarms upon swarms of danmaku fired from familiars spinning at extremely high velocities. Yuyuko backed her up at such moments, and Youmu noticed her mistress was much less talkative than usual.

The corridor started tilting up, the angle going steeper and steeper. Soon, there was no longer possible to walk, as the strange corridor tilted almost completely vertical.

And then, just like that, the corridor ended, without any fanfare or closure. Just ended, and they were outside, miles above the ground, and the full moon was right above them, very, very close.

It covered most of the sky, and had a decaying, unhealthy look. It was huge, but not nearly as huge as it could be expected. Youmu subconsciously counted how much time it would take for her to mow the lawn of that size. Not that much.

There was someone before them, floating at a distance. Youmu had a feeling she has seen that woman recently. That arrogant sneer of hers was really unforgettable.

"And just as planned, you fall right into my trap," she said confidently.

"We caught up with you, that's all," Yuyuko responded.

"Yeah, you won't escape again… or something," Youmu supported her, a bit unsure of her words. Was this the villain they were chasing? The hat was a definite proof they were facing a medic, but Youmu saw no illusions or rabbits around. Could be a mistake, and mistakes were not to be allowed.

"I am known as Eirin Yagokoro, and as I said, you have fallen right into my little trap, following the false pathway I created, just like every other pursuer who would dare to threaten the safety of the princess."

"False pathway? Princess?"

Youmu was getting more and more confused. There was something important, right at the corner of her mind, but she just could not grasp it. She tried her hardest to concentrate.

"A false moon in the false sky. An overly elaborate creation," Yuyuko said, an obvious admiration in her words.

"Ah, impressive. So you've noticed the moon was also an illusion," Eirin responded, not looking impressed in the slightest. She had a look on her face exactly like when Yuyuko was talking to Wriggle.

Who was Wriggle, why would they talk to her, and why Yuyuko would have such a look, Youmu couldn't remember, it was just that, an obvious similarity of two events. Now, it was extremely unnerving.

"Illusion? Perhaps, it once was. But then, we, the one who remembered how the old moon of Gensokyo looked like, made it real with our memories. And it became real, and a threat. And so…"

"And so, to protect yourself and your precious Gensokyo, you froze the moon in the sky. It finally makes sense," Eirin finished for her.

For Youmu, of course, it made absolutely no sense. She suddenly felt weak, small and irrelevant, a tiny human caught in the clash of titans...

No. She wasn't irrelevant, small or weak. She was a true warrior, a sworn servant and bodyguard to Yuyuko Saigyouji, princess of the Netherworld.

"Lady Yuyuko, give me the command," she said firmly. Yuyuko glanced at her, and Youmu didn't like that glance. There was doubt in it, clear, obvious doubt.

She didn't waver. She would not question an order. If need be, she would back down, returning to her duties as a gardener. After all, she failed last year, beaten twice by Reimu and her sealing spell cards. She could only hope she would be given another chance…

"Oh, fine, just stop looking at me like that," Yuyuko said with a sigh. "Be my shield, Youmu. I'll back you up if I feel like it."

Youmu beamed proudly. "I'll be the hardest shield in all Netherworld."

Eirin laughed, a cruel, empty laugh. "A shield can only stop something from the outside. We of the moon have the ability to affect you directly. And, while your hard shield is defending you outside, you're decaying slowly inside... Yes, that carefree girl, your "hard shield" is worthless."

"Don't worry, Youmu. I'm not alive, so I can't rot."

And then it hit her, a spike of memories piercing into her skull. Just like that, out of the blue, with no connection to the words said, or actions taken.

A flashback, bright and vivid, sharp, like an edge of the blade.

She is fighting, desperately trying to find a hole in the enemy pattern, bullets grazing her skin. And Yuyuko… she just stands there, looking bored and nearly yawning. She doesn't care. She never cares. She is dead, she has been dead for gods know how many years.

_The dead don't care about the living._

Shaking her head, Youmu returned to reality. She had to say something, something uplifting, but the words came out bitter and harsh.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you are rotten already. But rotten or not, it's my duty to protect you."

And Yuyuko felt it, everything that was left unsaid. She understood, and she didn't like it.

"I said, I can't rot," she uttered, emphasizing the last part. It seemed to amuse Eirin to no end.

"Oh, what's that? Are you going to make a scene in front of me? How… human of you," she said, spitting the word "human" as an insult. "And by the way, fermentation is the gift from the gods…"

She raised her bow up, and the moon, earth and everything blurred spinning and vanishing into darkness. They were in the endless infinity of outer space, barely lit by the stars and swirling galaxies around.

"…and unable to rot, ghosts are forever forsaken by the gods! Spacesphere: Earth in a Pot!"

A streak of lights from the nearest galaxy shot out towards them, a spinning wheel of familiars. It was mesmerizing, and Youmu felt comfortable warmth spreading around her body. The battlefield vanished, and Youmu was once again in the garden, a pair of hedge trimmers in her hand.

Everything was in peaceful, perfect harmony.

Finally, after all these grueling and hectic years, Youmu could stop and reflect on the path she managed to take and all the grand projects she managed to complete…

"No!" Youmu shouted and the illusion shattered, images of the false future fluttering around. "I will never become such a person! I will never just sit back and watch, remembering the days of my former glory with tears of nostalgia! Never!"

She performed a wide swing with her katana, destroying the familiars and images around her. Eirin seemed unfazed, addressing Youmu with a mocking smile.

"Really? Then, what about simple pleasantries of life? What about the joy of having kids, of the happiness in the hands of your lover? Will you throw all that away just for the service to the corpse?"

"I think I'll manage to cram all that into my schedule," Youmu said with a mocking smile of her own. She charged forward, and Eirin immediately shifted back, preparing another spell card.

"Such arrogance from a lower life form. Allow me to demonstrate how low on the food chain you really belong. Awakened God: Memories of the Age of the Gods!"

Eirin released her bow, and it floated above her, radiating light and creating something alike of a halo. From her outstretched hand, a lattice of brilliant white beams shot out towards Youmu.

"Kneel before me, for I am like a god to you! I am in heavens, and you are at the very bottom of the sea of filth, crawling, flopping around helplessly, your blood so thin you are not even worthy of propagating any more! Know your place, vermin, and despair!"

A vision intruded Youmu's mind, a vivid, colorful vision. A fairy, in a cape that looks suspiciously like a bug carapase, and Yuyuko, talking in the same arrogant and condescending voice…

"_That's… holy gods of Gensokyo, that's the largest bug I've ever seen in my life! I mean, just look at the size of that thing, it's almost half a human height, holy hell!"_

"_I am not a thing!" the fairy cries out. "I have a name, it is Wriggle Nightbug, and you'd better recognize it, filthy ghosts!"_

So, that's how it feels like, Youmu bitterly thought. Her voice, however, was confident as ever. She would not show weakness.

"A god and a vermin, eh? If you are a god, then why the spell cards? Just turn me to dust with a passing thought," Youmu said, shaking her head and the vision faded. Then, she locked her gaze with Eirin and smiled again. "Oh, but wait, you can't. Because you are just a pretentious bitch."

She waited for the lattice to time out and jumped forward, ending up in the next cell. Then, she jumped again, one step closer to her goal. Then, another.

Eirin didn't stop smiling, but her gaze hardened. She shifted out of reach.

"So, the understanding of your own insignificance doesn't stop you, and you don't accept my superiority. This means you are just a cog in the machine, a redundant and useless tool. Well, then, let me introduce you to your peers. Revival: Game of Life!"

White immobile orbs appeared, creating a solid pattern, boxing Youmu in. Eirin flexed a string of her bow, and a stream of brightly green damaku gushed forward.

"Do you know what a game of life even is? Can you, with your primitive brain, even grasp a concept of primitive cellular automatons? Because you are exactly that – a primitive life form capable only of performing a fixed set of commands!"

Another flashback, a dusty and choking one. She is in an empty school corridor, looking for her mistress. A voice comes from behind the door, a voice that belongs to Yuyuko, a voice filled with boredom and disdain.

"_You know, I don't have anything against education, and can even stomach the education of youkai, but seriously, history? That's, like, the most useless discipline."_

Youmu felt like she was out of air, memories choking her, trying to overwhelm her and bury her soul. And once again, she pushed the unwanted thoughts away.

"So, now you insult my intelligence. But this is not a scientific debate, here, it's all about who has better reflexes. So, are you all talk or are you going to finally get to the fight? Because right now, you wouldn't believe how bored I am."

Eirin was no longer smiling. This opponent, this thin and frail looking pale girl, dared to defy her, dared to question her power, dared to survive this far. This was unacceptable.

"A person like you would never be able to appreciate true intelligence. But intelligence has practical application too, you know. Allow me to demonstrate. Leading God: Omoikane's Device."

The name meant nothing to Youmu. It was just another spell card, a single familiar creating a maw-like pattern. The maw turned, and Youmu had no choice but to follow. A spread of dark blue danmaku flew past her. Doable.

The battle shifted up, and Youmu felt her body becoming lighter for some reason. Yuyuko caught up with them, overlooking the battle from a safe spot.

A thought entered Youmu's mind, a clingy and rotten thought.

_Why are you fighting for her, if she is no better than the villain in front of you?_

Youmu clenched her teeth. This was not her thought. It was the lunatic moon affecting her, trying to stop her where the danmaku failed to. It was all the moon's fault.

_No, it's not the moon. She was lying to you, all this time. You are just a tool to her, a __shovel to sort through manure. You are nothing._

But at least she is not trying to kill me, unlike some people.

_Then you are just an evil henchman with no wi__ll of your own._

I know very well who I am.

_Yuyuko is a villain. Kill her._

No.

The spell timed out, and Youmu's mind cleared. Eirin was still out there, her face calm, but her eyes blazing with anger. She raised her arm for the next spell.

"Your arrogance really is amazing, but that changes nothing. It's the fate of humans to try to reach the moon, only to be put down mercilessly, like rabid dogs they are. Curse of the Heavens: Apollo 13!"

And once again, a flashback, coming in a blinding white flash. A human in black on the ground, her face bloody and unrecognizable, her hat trampled into mud. Yuyuko makes a sign for her to stand back.

"_Your spirit is strong, but your flesh is weak. You are just an ordinary human, after all."_

"_No…" the human shook her head. "I am not…"_

"You know nothing of humans and what they are capable of," Youmu said calmly, dodging a swirling pattern of interlocking dual-colored danmaku. "Locked up in your ivory tower, you know nothing of the world."

"Also, if anything, Apollo 13 is a symbol of human creativity and tenacity," Yuyuko added, floating closer. "A really uplifting story, especially when Yukari is telling it."

"Silence!" Eirin shrieked, losing the last vestiges of her posture and class, her spell fading into a putrid fog. "Before me, you are like worms, worms, you hear? I am Eirin Yakogoro, an immortal lunarian, a descendant of the gods themselves! And you, you are less than human, just two worthless sacks of ectoplasm! And with my power, I will burn you, until not even the ash remains! Esoterica: Astronomical Entombing!"

The world around started spinning, galaxies and stars swirling and merging, drawing closer and closer, preparing to crush the insolent fools who dared to come this far. Youmu felt completely weightless, as if she had become a full ghost. Yuyuko was beside her, staring at the approaching galaxies with an absent smile.

"_What? I thought we were having a wonderful midnight snack tour across the land! Come on, who cares about the moon? Let's eat!"_

And Youmu remembered, everything. The confused look on Wriggle's face, the snuffed out song of Mystia, the classroom, such an improper place for an execution, bloody face of Marisa and her Master Spark, her own burning hatred, when she stabbed Reisen, again and again…

And Yuyuko's smile, to whom this was just another night, just a walk to clear her head and have some snacks.

Heroes and villains, right and wrong, good and evil – all of this was not absolute or easily defined. It was all a matter of perspective, and a matter of taking your place in the world. And at that moment, despite all the whispers in her head, all the memories that tried to crush her, Youmu knew, understood who she was, and who she always wanted to be.

"I am Youmu Konpaku, the half-ghostly gardener of Hakugyokurou shrine, a bodyguard and eternally loyal servant to Yuyuko Saigyouji, princess of the Netherworld," she said proudly, and raised her fist. "My blades, Roukanken and Hakurouken, shall slay any evil youkai that crosses my path. Mine are the blades that are able to slash everything, and mine are the blades that will put an end to you, villain. Now, meet your end!"

She charged forward, through the wall of approaching galaxies. She slashed, and the galaxies crumbled, disappearing in implosions of dark light.

She pushed forward, carving a path through the light, to the figure behind the wall of galaxies. She blasted through, and Eirin screamed, putting her bow in the way of advancing blade. The blade cut through, nearly severing her arm, and continued forward, slashing Eirin across the chest.

The galaxies and other illusions disappeared, torn away like a thin mist. They were far above the ground, and the moon covered all the sky, a putrid and moldy moon that just would not die.

Eirin doubled over, coughing out blood. She tried to get away, leaving a blood trail behind her, red drops hanging in the air like a morbid necklace.

"It's no use running, villain. Meet your end with dignity," Youmu said, drawing closer and raising her sword. Eirin winced, trying to keep a mercilessly advancing girl at bay with her uninjured hand. Youmu slashed down.

And her blade froze in mid-air, held by an invisible hand.

"Eirin, what are you doing?" a calm voice uttered.

The owner of the voice appeared beside the wounded woman. No light or sound, just an appearance in a just a moment ago empty space.

This short and a bit plump girl was wearing a long royal dress, but Youmu could not identify the style. Strange, but she didn't wear a hat, but various objects floating around her more than enough filled the quota for obligatory silly youkai accessories. Her pitch-black hair was long and neatly combed, and she looked rather sleepy.

"So, Eirin, what is it? Are you losing your touch? I really expected better from you."

Eirin tried to respond, but all she did was cough out more blood. Youmu's blades were still frozen in air, the force holding them stronger than she ever experienced before.

"Princess… Kaguya…" Eirin finally managed to say.

"I am very displeased with you, Eirin," Kaguya responded, and a vial materialized in her hand. "But I am willing to give you another chance."

She opened a vial and shook it, pouring a smoking red liquid on Eirin's gaping wound. The liquid sizzled, being instantly absorbed.

"And you, ghosts," Kaguya said, pointing her finger. "My powerful medicine, and Eirin's true strength… you'll never forget this! Forbidden Arcanum: Hourai Elixir!"

Eirin screamed.

She arched back, and beams of unholy red light shone through the enormous sword wound. Her blood boiled and gushed forth, turning into danmaku. She kept screaming, and from the wound on her arm, a lattice of lasers shined forth.

Her mouth became a furnace, an origin point for uncountable razors. Her eyes boiled, releasing streams of red energy blasts. The raging inferno beneath her skin broke through, elongated energy maggots crawling outward.

There were no illusions, dirty tricks or confusing voices, just danmaku, gushing out from the screaming body of Eirin. Its concentration forced Youmu to back down, first a little, then further and further away. Slicing at it, she dodged one seemingly impossible cluster, then another, then another…

But in the end, it does not matter how many you dodge, how many fly past you, grazing your skin. It does not matter how many times death misses just by a hairbreadth. It does not matter how skilled you are, or how lucky or confident you are.

It was quite an ordinary bullet. It wasn't fancy, colorful or unusually shaped. Just another blazing projectile that was born to fly, gliding through the air with a soft humming sound. Just another bullet to fly by, giving you a feeling that once again, death missed its mark.

Except this time, it hit, colliding with Youmu's stomach. The outer shell of the bullet burst, creating a miniature directed blast. She was thrown back, leaving behind a trail of blood in the air.

Eirin's screaming finally stopped, and the spell timed out, leaving behind nothing but an empty shell from the burned skin. What remained of her started to descend slowly, to the ground that was miles and miles away. The last undirected danmaku patterns vanished in the distance.

Despite the piercing pain, Youmu was at peace. True, she did fail in the end, but the victory of the final villain would be at least tainted by the loss of her closest lieutenant. Which would of course anger the mentioned villain greatly, and no doubt cause her to go on a bloody rampage across the world, destroying hundreds of innocent lives…

Okay, she wasn't at peace at all.

Something lightly touched her on the shoulders, and she stopped moving. Her vision started to blur, but she could still see the face of the one who caught her.

"Lady… Yuyuko," she managed to say. "You came for me… after all…"

"Uh-huh, floating twenty paces and catching you was truly an amazing feat," Yuyuko said with a smile. Her eyes weren't smiling, though.

"Lady Yuyuko, it was… a great honor for me to serve you…"

"Oh, don't mention it," Yuyuko said, her voice only a fraction from being truly carefree.

"Too bad… my wish never… came true," Youmu said, and with great difficulty pulled a broken piece of bone from her pocket. "I wished… for both of us… to return from the mission… safely…"

"It's okay," Yuyuko responded, pulling her own piece from folds in her clothing. "I wished for the same thing as you."

Despite all the pain, Youmu's eyes lit up.

"Really?"

"Nope," Yuyuko said, smiling again. "I wished to meet and eat a dragon tonight, and where is my dragon? Where is my dragon?"

She finished her question as an outcry, pleading the uncaring heavens for the dragon that would never come. Then, she turned her attention back to the dying girl, and her smile vanished, replaced with an expression of hunger and anticipation. A drop of saliva streamed down from her mouth.

"Lady… Yuyuko… what's wrong? Why are you looking at me… like that?"

Yuyuko didn't answer, and instead, in one lightning-fast motion, she grabbed the ghostly orb that floated around Youmu.

"No… not Myon… stop it… please, stop…"

Yuyuko's face was now a mask of pure madness, her mouth a drooling gaping hole and her eyes bulging grotesquely. Youmu averted her eyes and Yuyuko slapped her, making her focus.

"I'm not getting my dragon today, but a ghost is fine too. Now, I am going to eat it, and you are going to watch, to the very last second. Such is the price of your failure."

And Youmu watched, as her mistress, the only person in the world she trusted completely, grabbed her ghost half with both arms and slowly, dramatically and inevitably drew it towards her open mouth. The orb trembled, shivering and shrinking to almost half its size…

And then Yuyuko instead of biting thrust the orb forward, into an exposed hole in Youmu's gut.

The pain was nearly indescribable. It defied words. Molten metal poured into your stomach? Not even a fraction of it. Rats, gnawing through your intestines, while molten metal is poured into your stomach? Closer, but still not close enough.

Thousands of needles piercing your intestines while they are being slowly spooled on a rusty spiked wheel to a conveyor belt where they are first gnawed by rats, then molten metal is poured on them and then they are finally hammered on by an extremely unskilled blacksmith – that was how it felt like.

But hey, at least the bleeding stopped, so no worries, right?

Due to Youmu's incoherent screaming, the conversation drew to a halt. Yuyuko gently tapped on the writhing half-ghost, and she started to slowly float down, just like Eirin a little earlier did. In a short while, she disappeared in the distance. Yuyuko turned to face her final opponent.

And so, there were no more heroes left under the undying moon.

Only two ancient monsters, facing off, preparing for the final confrontation, the ultimate battle.

Kaguya spoke first, the words that would be forever etched into the history of time.

"Would you like some tea?"

**(O,)**

The formal introductions were complete, and tea has been served. Kaguya conjured an ornate table from thin air, along with cups and a boiling kettle. At Yuyuko's silent question of how the hell she did it, Kaguya proudly said that the power of Eternity allows absolutely everything. Yuyuko smiled and nodded, pretending she understood.

The tea was good, but the conversation stalled. There was an aura of strained uneasiness in the air, and the pauses dragged for far too long. It was probably due to the fact it was quite drafty. Or maybe because their friends most likely just died.

Anyway, it was Yuyuko's turn to awkwardly speak.

"So… those things around you, are they useful or something?"

"What, impossible requests? Well, they are pretty, and go well with my style," Kaguya answered, and picked a smoking stone bowl from the air. "Also, sometimes I throw them at people when I get angry."

She released the bowl and it floated lazily behind her. The pause dragged, and Yuyuko sipped her tea.

"I always wondered how ghosts perceive the world around them," Kaguya broke the silence. "You don't seem to be particularly tormented."

"Why would you think I'm tormented? I'm not tormented at all," Yuyuko said dismissively. "In fact, I like my existence so far. No pain, no sweat, food and drinks are luxuries instead of requirements… well, except when I get really, really hungry, of course. This reminds me, I left a pot on the stove and should get to it soon…"

She trailed off. Kaguya picked up her another impossible request, a branch with colorful berries on it, and fiddled with it. The silence again became heavy. Yuyuko was trying her hardest to find another topic that would not inevitably lead to escalating conflict and a fight to the death. The opportunity to talk to such an old entity was rare and quite fascinating, and Yuyuko did not want to end it too quickly.

Unfortunately, most normal small topics were unacceptable.

Weather was out of the question. Any question about the weather would draw attention to a quite obvious presence of the titanic gravity-warping moon above.

Recent events? Again, the moon.

Family and friends? Yeah, right.

"So… Buretsu crisis?"

"What about it? I never considered politics to be important. Empires rise and fall, but all succumbs to the power of Eternity," Kaguya said, her voice full of pathos. She dropped the branch, picked up her another impossible request, an intricate seashell, and offered it to Yuyuko.

"Listen to the voice of Eternity," she said, and Yuyuko reluctantly took the shell and put it to her ear.

Eternity sounded like nothing special. Yuyuko made a dreamy face out of politeness and passed the shell back.

"Impressive, isn't it? Your 'death' is nothing compared to the true power that is Eternity."

"My specialties are 'death and rebirth', thank you very much," Yuyuko corrected her. Kaguya was starting to get on her nerves. Not as much as Eirin, but still, pretty annoying.

"Death, birth, rebirth, it's all the same to me," Kaguya said quite arrogantly, picking up yet another of her trinkets, an iridescent jewel. "All these concepts are very important to mortals, but I am not a mortal anymore, so it doesn't interest me."

"Everything that has the beginning has an end, your own existence included," Yuyuko said, no longer able to contain her annoyance. "One day, you are going to die."

"Oh, stop being so preachy," Kaguya sneered. "It sounds shallow and hypocritical, especially from you, a millennia old ghost. I intend on living forever."

She dropped her jewel, no longer interested in it, and it positioned behind her, near a tiny cloak that seemed to be wreathed in flames.

Impossible requests. Eternity. Immortality. Forever. Hollow concepts that clashed so painfully with everything Yuyuko believed in. It was indeed hypocritical of her to defend the cycle of reincarnation, but compared to the utter blasphemy Kaguya embodied and voiced, it was like sixty pages of a madman's scribbles compared to the genius masterpiece of multi-medium Art.

It was about time to end this.

"You know who else intended on living forever?" Yuyuko said, standing up. "Eirin did, and look what happened to her."

"And what exactly happened to her?" Kaguya said defiantly, standing up too. "A minor injury? An insignificant event of burning her innards out? She probably can regenerate from as much as a fingernail. On the other hand, your associate…"

"Oh, Youmu is a tough girl, she's going to be fine" Yuyuko said, and Kaguya snickered.

"What's so funny?"

"Your face," Kaguya said, and snickered again. "Such pain and guilt in your voice, and still you look like a 'have a nice day' mask has been glued to your face. My, you really are one messed up ghost."

She made a gesture, and the table vanished.

"But I think the time for exchanging pleasantries is over, so let's return to business. I have an offer to make. You see, I have an old, and very persistent enemy-"

"Not interested," Yuyuko cut her off.

"You didn't let me finish. In exchange, I will use the power of Eternity to save your—"

"Not. Interested. In. The. Slightest." Yuyuko interrupted her again, hammering every word. Kaguya sighed, and massaged her temples.

"My, how unreasonable and childish. I never expected you, of all people, to be taking this all so personally."

"I am not taking this personally," Yuyuko said. Kaguya barely suppressed a snicker, but Yuyuko didn't seem to notice and continued. "But Gensokyo is just not big enough for the both of us. Return the true moon, and I will end the Imperishable Night. Then, we will—"

"Wait," Kaguya interrupted her. "Wait there just a second. '**I **will end the Imperishable Night'? What the hell?"

She paused, taking a deep breath, and stared somewhere in the distance. A smile twisted her lips.

"Oh, I see what you did there," Kaguya said, nodding to herself. "Clever, clever indeed, to make the night undying. I am quite impressed."

"Thank you," Yuyuko said dryly. "But I didn't come all the way here to be praised for my abilities. Leave now, or this all is not going to end well. For you, especially."

"Oh my, a threat," Kaguya said, mockingly covering in fear. "A big bad ghost is scaring me. Help me, Eirin, I don't know what to do!"

She straightened up and pointed at the false moon, her face serious again "I never asked for this. I never asked for a life of prosecution and exile. I never asked to no longer have a home to return to. I never asked to be left completely alone."

She balled her face into a fist, her fingernails digging into her skin. Her face remained calm, even after drops of blood streaked down her arm.

She relaxed her hand, and tiny wounds closed up. The blood vanished, absorbed into skin, like nothing happened. Kaguya smiled.

"All I ever wanted was to be immortal. Was it so much to ask for?"

"Yes."

"No!" Kaguya screamed, pointing at Yuyuko with a trembling finger. "It was not too much! And no one can judge me! No one! Especially you!"

She threw her arms forward, and a swirling sphere of darkness appeared in front of her. It released a wave of energy, and Kaguya concentrated, holding the sphere tighter and tighter.

"The fragmented eternal evening that you have created," she said, her voice full of hate. "My arts for manipulating Eternity will tear it away…"

"It is still not too late to back down," Yuyuko said sadly. She knew Kaguya wouldn't listen.

The sphere contracted into a single, brilliant and at the same time pitch-black mercurial point. The skin melted from Kaguya's hands. She didn't seem to notice.

"I, Kaguya Houraisan, will shatter your blasphemous spell! The dawn will come!"

"Don't do this," Yuyuko whispered.

"Last Spell: End of Imperishable Night: New Moon!"

The spell imploded in her hands. A brilliant wave of energy rushed outward, instantly vaporizing Kaguya and continuing further, breaking into tiny energy blades.

The origin point released another wave, then another one. Yuyuko didn't move, and the blades pierced her body, carrying her forward and upward. The spell didn't stop, releasing more and more waves, more and more blades.

The spell reached the false moon, tearing into it. The surface cracked, not like a solid rock would crack, but like the carapace of a long dead insect. The spell spread through the surface, cutting and burning the hollow shell of the moon.

And it crumbled, turning into dust and nothingness. Behind the surface, the illusion Eirin created shriveled and blinked but held. In the distance, the true full moon was now visible through the illusion, exactly where it was supposed to be.

The spell finally faded, releasing the last wave. It spread, and disappeared in the distance, cutting through the fading and torn remains of what used to be Yuyuko Saigyouji.

And so, everybody died.

Well, sort of.

The air around the origin point of the spell wobbled slightly. There was a quite comedic 'plop' sound, and the invisible bubble of wobbliness burst, leaving a quite unharmed Kaguya behind.

She blinked a few times, shaking away the daze. She looked around, gathering her bearings. A smile slowly crept on her face, replaced by a psychotic smirk soon after. She arched back and laughed.

"I won! I won! Nothing can bring me down, for I am immortal and invincible! They will never find me now! I will forever live in this world, and soon, everything will be mine! Mine! With my power of Eternity, I, Kaguya Houraisan shall become a new god of this world! And nothing, absolutely nothing is going to stop—"

As far as tempting fate goes, this was a pretty decent attempt Kaguya's part, as a very thin and multicolored laser beam that pierced her arm immediately proved.

Kaguya winced, pulling her arm through the laser. She turned, and saw Yuyuko behind her, the ghost holding a spreading cone of lasers in her hand.

"So, you surv - AAugh!"

Kaguya's words turned into screaming when another laser cut through her leg. Yuyuko rotated her wrist, piercing Kaguya's shoulder with another beam.

"Is it all… you are capable of? Indulging in petty revenge, how pathetic," Kaguya managed to say.

"As I said earlier, it's not about revenge or any other emotion," Yuyuko responded, her face absolutely calm. "It's about incompatible concepts we embody."

A laser cut through her stomach, but Kaguya just smiled. "Concepts, you say? What concepts? Death versus Eternity? Change versus Stability? An unstoppable force versus an immovable object? It is laughable. You can't win."

"Laughable? Then laugh, even when I announce the Last Spell of my own. Laugh, as your body becomes a host to the swarm of ghostly butterflies, each and every one of them dying and being reborn endlessly. Laugh, as your body becomes an eternal undying shell of itself, endlessly floating, twitching far above the ground, where no one will be able to find you."

"You are incapable of such a—"

A beam pierced Kaguya's lung. Yuyuko's face was a visage of absolute calmness, boredom even. It was unnerving, this calmness. It was not supposed to be like this, Kaguya thought, it was supposed to be a heated battle of danmaku, her colorful impossible requests clashing with butterfly blasts of her enemy…

"My power of… Eternity… is not to be denied…" Kaguya wheezed. "Impossible Request: Dragon's—"

A beam pierced her throat.

"I've seen enough spell cards for today," Yuyuko said, her whole body and face now almost completely unmoving. "And there are no dragons in Gensokyo. Besides, you promised me you would laugh, so here is my own impossible request for you – laugh. Laugh, and live forever. Last Word: Saigyouji Flawless Nirvana."

The spell unfolded slowly, more and more lasers piercing Kaguiya's body, holding her in place. She tried to resist, focusing her powers, denying the reality that was forced upon her.

If only she didn't use that much of her power to break the moon. If only she would be allowed to die, for the powers to kick in automatically. If only she could concentrate more, if only she could ignore all that pain…

Transfixed, Kaguya watched in horror as the host of the undying butterflies drew closer and closer, preparing to make her body their new eternal hive.

And behind the swarm, she saw Yuyuko's face, her true face, a cracked skull covered in pale writhing maggots.

Kaguya tried to laugh.

But it is impossible to laugh without lungs.


	7. Ending

**Ending**

A small, nearly forgotten cemetery at the edge of the garden surrounding Hakugyokurou shrine. A fresh grave, wilting and fresh flowers around.

And a simple chiseled gravestone, with two simple words on it: "Konpaku Youmu".

Youmu herself was standing in front of the grave, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. She was so shocked that she even forgot to lean on her crutch for a moment.

Yuyuko was behind her, fidgeting and smiling nervously. And she definitely had all the reasons for being nervous, as Youmu looked like she was either about to faint or burst, like an overripe tomato. Probably the latter.

"What," Youmu finally said, her eye twitching slightly. She very slowly turned to face her mistress.

"Hey, I-I-I can explain!" Yuyuko panickly stammered, waving her arms around. "It's all a misunderstanding! You see, I told one of the visitors of the shrine that you didn't make it all right from the moon mission, and the "all right" part of it was kinda lost on the way! And so, they made this gravest—"

"You dug a grave!" Youmu shouted, and immediately regretted it, as sharp pain shot up her wounded side. She winced, but resisted the urge to clutch her heavily stitched wound, instead repositioning herself carefully.

"You dug a grave," she slowly said again. "You placed a gravestone on it. You brought flowers here every day, and burned mourning candles. Lady Saigyouji, excuse my harsh language, but what the fuck?"

Crickets chirped. A flock of birds took off from a nearby tree. A gust of wind blew through the cemetery, picking up fallen leaves and debris. Yuyuko's smile faded, replaced with an expression of embarrassment and hurt.

"I had my reasons, okay?" She said, her voice sounding quite hurt too. "There were a lot of flowers, and all of them had to go somewhere, and definitely not in your room, it would've become a greenhouse. And besides—"

"It would be so funny," Youmu finished for her. "To make a naïve and inexperienced girl, after a hellish month of recovery she has gone through afraid, planting a lingering doubt that she didn't make it after all."

Yuyuko was at loss for words, and Youmu pressed on.

"So tell me, Lady Saigyouji, when did I die? After that bullet hit me, or earlier, in the mansion? Or last spring? How many times have you copied me already, with your powers of rebirth? And if I dig into this grave how many skeletal remains of myself will I find inside? Three? Four?"

With her good arm, she started to slowly unsheathe her katana. Yuyuko's eyes widened and she backed away, waving her arms erratically. "Hey, Youmu, it was really just a joke, no need to do anything we might regret later, let's go inside, please?"

"No," Youmu said coldly, taking her blade in a combat position and turning back to face the gravestone. "I think this grave is a symbol, a monument of how you fail at humor. So allow me to demonstrate, in a very clear and symbolic way, what I think of you and all your jokes."

Leaning heavily on the crutch, she took a step forward and slashed. A flash of metal silently and instantly passed through the stone, leaving behind a diagonal line of light.

Grim and determined, Youmu sheathed her blade. The line faded, and half of the gravestone slid down with a thud, releasing a cloud of dust. There was a long awkward pause and then…

"Congratulations!" Yuyuko exclaimed, clapping her hands. Confused, Youmu turned to her.

"Don't you get it? I just desecrated—"

"Nonsense!" Yuyuko happily announced, floating closer. "All that matters, that you have finally made your recovery! Let's throw a party!"

"I still have a long way to go, you know," Youmu bitterly said.

"Oh, put that frown upside down," Yuyuko cooed, reaching out and lightly pinching Youmu's cheek. "And besides, since I'm a lazy princess unfit for work, you'll have to organize everything, from invitations and decorations to food! Plenty of time to recover while you do all that maddening, grueling menial work!"

She spun in place, and skipped towards to shrine entrance, singing happily a verse that consisted mainly of "Yoooumu is heeeealthy again!" and "Weee're having a paaaaarty!"

Youmu sighed, and followed her slowly, in an awkward, limping gait. Every step shot spikes of pain up her side, but she tried her best to ignore it. It would not go away anytime soon anyway, so no need to focus on it more than it is absolutely required.

Her ghost half hanged nearby, orbiting around her as usual. Youmu noticed that it somehow was calmer lately, hanging closer to her and not shivering when she touched it. Maybe something good has happened? Youmu couldn't remember.

Speaking of memory, Yuyuko wasn't kidding when she said it about nightmares back then. Time and time again, Youmu found herself running down endless school corridors, tentacled sparrow horrors behind her, only to wake up and find herself in another nightmare, involving spiral bunnies, pies made from bugs and soulless, ancient gods boiling forever in the fires of immortality.

And as for the memories of the real events, everything more or less faded into haze, mostly due to the constant pain and weird medicine she was taking. She was visited a few times by Eirin, who looked extremely unhappy while treating her, arguing with Yuyuko for long periods of time in the other room afterwards, the pieces of conversation that Youmu could make out mostly consisting of threats and demands to reveal the location of someone named Kaguya.

Slowly, Youmu made her way through the garden. In her month-long absence, the grass has grown tall and dandelions thrived, increasing their numbers exponentially. A mere thought of finding every last one of these little parasites and uprooting them, one by one, made Youmu's teeth ache. And now, with the new duties of organizing a grandiose party Yuyuko has just thrown on her, the future looked bleaker than ever.

Maybe, Youmu thought glumly, it would be better for her to let go and just die.

She finally reached the shrine. Oddly enough, the sliding doors of the main entrance were closed. Puzzled, she limped up the porch and slid the door open.

"SURPRISE!"

Bright magical lights. Over-the-top party decorations, complete with a gigantic "Happy Recovery, Youmu" cloth banner. A table, covered in sweets, the cake in the middle. Yuyuko shouting at the top of her ghostly lungs. Fresh corpses of four guests, sitting at the table…

Wait, that didn't sound quite right.

Eirin and Tewi, Marisa and Reimu, all of them festively dressed and covered in blood, each and every one of them having a giant hole in the chest.

Their still beating hearts decorated the largest cake.

Okay, this is obviously an illusion, Youmu thought calmly, despite all the very realistic looking gore in front of her. Just another of Yuyuko's unfunny pranks. She's going to distract her now, and everything will be normal not a moment too soon.

"What are you waiting for? It's your party, so come on in!" Yuyuko offered with a smile, spreading her arms wide.

Any second now. Yep, any moment, it all vanishes. Right now. Riiiight now. Now.

No?

Youmu closed the door and shook her head. Okay, this was just ridiculous. Eirin probably wouldn't even notice such a wound. Not to mention that if the Reimu was dead, the boundary would probably be collapsing right about…

A giant tear opened up in the sky, uncountable objects and water pouring in. Youmu could see a tiny silhouette of Yukari near the tear, trying in vain to control it, too little, too late. The tear spread further, plowing through earth, bringing a final apocalyptic end to all Gensokyo.

Smaller reality cracks tore through the garden around and the shrine shook, tilting slightly.

Youmu snickered, then burst into laughter, despite how it hurt to do so. Now, this was scale, she thought. Yuyuko should get some appreciation at least for the pure effort she put into it.

After all, it still was just an elaborate image, maybe with some puppets thrown in for a more realistic look. She would step inside, and she would have a nice quiet party, with Yuyuko and maybe some of the real guests that had an ability and time to visit the Netherworld. Yukari, Ran and Chen, the Prismriver sisters, maybe even Sakuya would attend.

And if not? Then she would have her final feast, surrounded by the corpses of her bitter enemies, the world crumbling around her. Sure beats growing old and dying a withered, helpless and pathetic crone.

Youmu straightened up, smiled, and opened the door.

The End

**(Q) **

**A/N:**The story is over. This is a completely optional section, like credits in the game. Nobody likes credits, right?

Anyway, some explanations first.

This is the end, and there will be no extra stage. Not because I consider Kaguya/Mokou conflict to be boring or the ghost team scenario for the extra stage to be boring (it's comedy gold actually, find the script at Touhou wiki if you want). Not because I wouldn't be able to overcome the difficulties I would inevitably face when trying to adapt the extra stage.

There will be no extra stage because I didn't beat it. I did complete Imperishable Night on easy (EEEH? EASY MODE? HOW LAME! ONLY KIDS PLAY IN EASY MODE! KYA HA HA HA HA HA HA!) on a single continue with 7 lives. And I'm proud of it, 'cause I've seen the good ending. But Extra? I'll let the lunatics post videos of it on Youtube. This is not for me.

So yeah, with all the stages, I knew what I was writing about, having experienced it firsthand. Extra stage just feels hollow to me, so no extra stage for you. Isn't it sad, Mokou?

Now, acknowledgements and thanks to everything that made this story possible:

Wikipedia, for providing me with vital information on dandelions and bamboo.

Touhou wiki, for providing me with easily accessible information on spell cards.

TVTropes, for providing me with guidelines to how to flesh out the characters and defile canon. Also, for ruining and enhancing my life.

All the reviewers. They didn't help me with the story, but they did provide emotional support. So thanks.

Now, things I want to say on every chapter:

**1:** Nothing to talk about really, just an average introductory chapter. Bleh. Also, dandelions are the metaphor symbolizing the impossible task of finding all the unnecessary commas, grammar mistakes and rouge angles of satin I have to hunt down and destroy. I like dandelions IRL.

**2:** I intended it to be a satire of bad songfics. Plus, it's kind of a shout out to Remember 11, an awesome game by KID.

**3:** Sorry, Keine fans. Yes, I know she is a kind and smart youkai, who genuinely cares about the human village and her students. Actually, I am not sorry. I am never sorry.

**4:** Well, kind of predictable, really. I would not allow for Marisa to be eaten, because seriously, even I have some standards. Cannibalism is bad, kids. Don't do it.

**5:** An obvious and extended homage to "I have no mouth and I must scream" by Harlan Ellison. Read it, it's seriously awesome (you can find it following the links from Wikipedia).

**6:** The grand finale! Actually, I find it to be rather weak, I totally ripped a lot of things from my earlier "Mai-Hime" story that nobody read, and recycled it. Also, I wanted to make it at least a quarter as awesome as the final fight of TTGL, and failed. Pathetic.

**E****nding:** I wanted to show Youmu slashing her gravestone using ASCII graphics, but the site engine wouldn't let me :( So, plain text it is. Maybe it's really for the best.

Okay, time to wrap it all up. End of credits. Main menu. Quit.

.

.

.

Still here? Well, since you've read it this far, here is a little heart-warming omake for you. Enjoy!

**Omake**

The moon was full again. It was a quite normal silvery moon, hanging far, far away in the clear night sky. There was absolutely nothing unnatural about it.

But if you squinted enough, you could still make out an outline of a larger, nearly translucent moon much closer, but blink once, and it disappears. Just a vestige of the times long gone, nothing interesting about it.

The forest was quiet, save for an occasional hooting of an owl. Moonlight sipped through the leaves, and fireflies danced, gathering on the fallen branches to rest.

One of these branches was strangely and irregularly curved, ending with a tiny ball on one end and a clean, flawless cut on another. Its surface was unusual too, instead of covered in bark it looked almost chitinous.

A beam of moonlight slowly moved towards the strange branch, following the creaks and movements of the tree above. It reached the strange object, and its surface cracked.

Yellow, viscous liquid oozed out, spreading out a sweet scent of apples. Fireflies and other small insects were drawn to the scent, closing in and landing on it, only to find that the liquid trapped them in and consumed them nearly instantly.

The small blob flexed, pushing out the hollow carapaces of insects it devoured. Then, it moved, crawling like an amoeba, its moves random and lacking direction.

It crawled, gathering more insects, worms and snails, growing ever so slightly in size. It moved through the undergrowth, an oozing lump of devouring goo.

It found a mouse hole, and stopped in front of it, undulating slightly. It elongated and crawled in.

There was a short and spluttering squeak from the inside, and then for a while nothing happened. Then, the strange blob emerged, not as an amoeba, but as a vertebrae creature with six legs, or rather walking appendages made from various bones. It now had eyes, small and twitching, and two antennae made from mouse whiskers.

It moved fast, jumping and dashing, shuffling through the forest, looking for its next prey. It found it soon enough, a lone young fawn, sleeping and vulnerable.

The blob skittered closer, and the animal woke up, instantly jumping up and preparing to escape. The blob was faster, taking off in the air and landing on the fawn's head. Terrified, it tried to shake the strange creature away, but the blob held fast, crawling in through nostrils and eyes.

The animal released a scream, took a few uneven steps and collapsed, twitching. Something moved beneath the skin, grinding and churning organs and bones, refitting them for its own purposes.

Finally, all that was left on the ground was a shapeless sack of skin. Something bulged from within, clawing at the skin from the inside.

The flesh sack ruptured, and a humanoid creature crawled out. It was covered in blood and bile, but its shape, the small antennas on its head and the cloak shaped like a bug carapace left absolutely no doubt of its identity.

Arching her back to the moon, Wriggle Nightbug released a piercing, echoing shriek.

True End


End file.
